Stats

-Lvl. 57
-7'3"
-340lbs (+10 Defense)
-Rockstar Game Developer
-Proud Husband, Father, Catholic
-Strip Club Veteran (Served 4 tours as Commander of 69th Bareback Division)
-9.5 K/D Ratio
-Number 1 Dolph Fortnite Fan
-My fursona is a deer cheetah hypersexual dolphin corvid hybrid
-Went to RIT (Transferred) and UofM (Class of '93)
-Slurpcore connoisseur
-Deathly allergic to pepper and mustard
-Former member of Three 6 Mafia
-Favorite Monster Energy Flavor: Pacific Punch
-My uncle works for Steam and can have you banned, permanently.
-The hat covers my bald spot I will NOT take it off!!! My receding hairline does NOT define me!!!!
-Crypto bro
-Retired at 23 thanks to the blockchain
-Heterosapien (flesh form)
-Eublepharis macularius (true form)
-Anarcho-Monarcho-Posadist but will tolerate Authoritarian Corporate Animalism
-Brutalist Architecture makes me ravishly horny
-Licensed Lawyer (Passed the Bar Exam, working for Michael, Michael, & Michael)
-Bold and Stoic
-Intelcore Milfur
-Twitter Voice Actor (I do a really good Duke Nukem impression)
-Carolina Pawn & Gun Manager
-Can Stop A Stampeding Elephant With My Deadly Stare
-Proud Drainer
-Member of the upper 1% in Diablo Immortal
-Domestic Doggy-style Indoctrinated Hot-Blooded Omni-Centrist Pro-Democracy Girlboss
-Oceangate Investor
-Fortnite Backrooms Sole Survivor
-Position #572 on the Epstien Flight Logs (Sat behind Martha Stewart in first class)
-Contributed 75% to Govenor Whitmer's Cartier Buffs GoFundMe

NOTABLE AWARDS:

First in Show, National Association of Two-Legged Hominids 1956
Largest ♥♥♥♥, Penis Inspection Day, ██████ Jefferson High, years 1929-1941, 1947-1951, 1977
Biggest Fan, The Tragically Hip Fan Contest, 1999
Not Guilty Verdict, Michigan v. John Doe (c) CN2091865
500-Mile Sprint, Nebraska Olympic Commission, years 2002-2005
Best Lawyer, Peer-Reviewed Press Release of National Inquirer, March 7th 2010 issue
Kaczynski Thought Award, The Do Not Mail List, 2019
Timothy J. Tuba Award for Academic Success, ███████ City Local, 1947
Golden Globe Award for Best Short Film, 2021 (See: The Furs 2)
Pontificate, The Palmyrian Schismic Catholic Church, 2020
Largest Dumpy, Bohemian Grove Anal Inspection Meeting, years 1992-2021
Most Consecutive Kidney Stones Passed In One Sitting (34, in case you were wondering), Guinness Book of World Records
President of the United States of America, January 20th 2037 - January 20th 2045
Best Dressed, Anthrocon Thu, Jun 29, 2024