Stats

-Lvl. 57
-7'3"
-340lbs (+10 Defense)
-Rockstar Game Developer
-Proud Husband, Father, Catholic
-Strip Club Veteran (Served 4 tours as Commander of 69th Bareback Division)
-9.5 K/D Ratio
-Number 1 Dolph Fortnite Fan
-My fursona is a deer cheetah hypersexual dolphin corvid hybrid
-Went to RIT (Transferred) and UofM (Class of '93)
-Slurpcore connoisseur
-Deathly allergic to pepper and mustard
-Former member of Three 6 Mafia
-Favorite Monster Energy Flavor: Pacific Punch
-My uncle works for Steam and can have you banned, permanently.
-The hat covers my bald spot I will NOT take it off!!! My receding hairline does NOT define me!!!!
-Crypto bro
-Retired at 23 thanks to the blockchain
-Heterosapien (flesh form)
-Eublepharis macularius (true form)
-Anarcho-Monarcho-Posadist but will tolerate Authoritarian Corporate Animalism
-Eco Brutalist Architecture makes me ravishly horny
-Licensed Lawyer (Passed the Bar Exam, working for Michael, Michael, & Michael)
-Bold and Stoic
-Intelcore Milfur
-Twitter Voice Actor (I do a really good Duke Nukem impression)
-Carolina Pawn & Gun Manager
-Can Stop A Stampeding Elephant With My Deadly Stare
-Proud Drainer
-Member of the upper 1% in Diablo Immortal
-Domestic Doggy-style Indoctrinated Hot-Blooded Omni-Centrist Pro-Democracy Girlboss
-Oceangate Investor
-Fortnite Backrooms Sole Survivor
-Contributed 75% to Govenor Whitmer's Cartier Buffs GoFundMe

NOTABLE AWARDS:

First in Show, National Association of Two-Legged Hominids 1956
Largest ♥♥♥♥, Penis Inspection Day, ██████ Jefferson High, years 1929-1941, 1947-1951, 1977
Biggest Fan, The Tragically Hip Fan Contest, 1999
Not Guilty Verdict, Michigan v. John Doe (c) CN2091865
500-Mile Sprint, Nebraska Olympic Commission, years 2002-2005
Best Lawyer, Peer-Reviewed Press Release of National Inquirer, March 7th 2010 issue
Kaczynski Thought Award, The Do Not Mail List, 2019
Timothy J. Tuba Award for Academic Success, ███████ City Local, 1947
Golden Globe Award for Best Short Film, 2021 (See: The Furs 2)
Pontificate, The Palmyrian Schismic Catholic Church, 2020
Largest Dumpy, Bohemian Grove Anal Inspection Meeting, years 1992-2021
Most Consecutive Kidney Stones Passed In One Sitting (34, in case you were wondering), Guinness Book of World Records
President of the United States of America, January 20th 2037, January 20th 2045
Best Dressed, Anthrocon, Jun 29, 2024