No wonder the comely ladies are all so stuck up
For the taller the tree, the harder it is to get up.
Simply treat a maiden as you would a tree
Whip out your chopper and one-two-three.

Aristocrat: "Does this explanation satisfy you, dear Bunny?"

Bunnykins: "Not in the slightest. But I think I've got it, I'm learning and will be an erudite scholar one day. It's more pleasant learning with you. My head hurts a bit, but my arse is still in one piece."

AR RUFFF RUDF ARUFF
DO YOU KISS YOUR DOG WITH THAT MOUTH?
DO YOU KISS YOUR SISTER WITH THAT MOUTH?
DO YOU, DO YOU?
DO YOU KISS THE CASHIER WITH THAT MOUTH?
DO YOU KISS THE LADYBUGS WITH THAT MOUTH
I KISS THEM WITH THIS MOUTH
SEE, SEE!



The Protestant Boys are loyal and true
Stout hearted in battle and stout-handed too
The Protestant Boys are true to the last
And faithful and peaceful when danger has passed
And Oh! they bear
And proudly wear
The colours that floated o'er many a fray
Where cannons were flashing
And swords were clashing
The Protestant Boys still carried the day

When James half a bigot, and more of a knave
With masses and Frenchmen the land would enslave
The Protestant Boys for liberty drew
And showed with the Orange the banner of Blue
And Derry well
Their might can tell
Who first in their ranks did the Orange display
The Boyne had no shyers
And Aughrim no flyers
And Protestant Boys still carried the day

When treason was rampant and traitors were strong
And law was defied by a vile rebel throng
When thousands were banded the throne to cast down
The Protestants rallied and stood by the Crown
And oft in fight
By day and night
They countered the rebels in many a fray
Where red pikes were bristling
And bullets were whistling
The Protestant Boys still carried the day

And still does the fame of their glory remain
Unclouded by age and undimmed by a stain
And ever and ever their cause well uphold
The cause of the true and the trusted and bold
And scorn to yield
Or quit the field
While ovber our heads the old colors shall play
And traitors shall tremble
When' er we assemble
For Protestant Boys shall carry the day

The Protestant Boys are loyal and true
Though fashions are changed and the loyal are few
The Protestant Boys are true to the last
Though cowards belie them when danger has past
Aye still we stand
A loyal band
And reck not the liars whatever they say
For let the drums rattle
The summons to battle
The Protestant Boys must carry the day


I really wanted to call you pickled herring son, but your whóre of a mother said no.


Aristocrat: "She doesn't look human, does she?"

Bunnykins: "No human eats cake that small"

Bunnykins: "We can get a waffle maker sometime."

Aristocrat: "I despise waffle makers, why don't we just make one by hand?"

Bunnykins: "Wha- what do you mea-"

Aristocrat: "Shhhh, shhhhh"

HI VIEWER!

I've heard that you're an internet troll, and by the Nine, you should be concerned of this irrefutable fact. In sooth, you should be neurotic over partaking in such insidious antics, for what you are doing is a grievous thing and fracturing the very social cohesion that our country prides itself on. People, WHO ARE MORE MATURE THAN YOU, are coping in a variety of more benign ways during this dire, grim era. For example, some of a dark pigment, blowtorch cats, others clamp manacles onto otters and smash them against railways, but you, you travel down the sinister road of psychological warfare and torture against internet strangers. How dare you. It is no small blessing that you now comprehend the COMPLICATIONS that come with being an internet terrorist and acknowledge that what you are doing is WRONG! Count your lucky stars that you have sought help from one of Iceland's most veritable medical practitioners.

There exist a number of line-up of factors at play here in your scenario, and I recommend you discuss many of them with a series of Northern European professionals and medical analysts, who I will recommend to you in private.

I should say on the record just briefly, that I believe the federal government should find trolls on the internet, shoot them in the legs, permanently disabling them and then send them to a concentration camp, where they will be tarred and feathered, fettered to chairs and coerced into watching Indian singalong channels and engage in FREE therapy sessions with my venerable adherent of the Hippocratic Oath, Doctor Quercus. To all internet trolls, we will find and cure you of your afflictions.

More often than not, trolls are disenfranchised men, who want to see the world burn, (the men far exceed the rate of female trolls) and are distinct from your ordinary weathered criminal. Your world may have flipped upside down, you may have been stripped of the only viable source of income and are about to be flung into the depths of poverty, but that is NO excuse. You do not bully people online. I don’t care if they have the tools to block you, BULLYING IS NOT OK! It makes them feel bad and spirals them into a fit of hysteria and dismay! What you are doing is legally permitted torture, perpetrated against others. It’s worse than waterboarding. More potent than kneecapping, and significantly harms the victim. You may be obfuscated in anonymity, but you won’t be safe for long. We will find you. YOU are projecting your frustration with your situation onto the internet and on others which isn’t cool.

The problem with your situation, however, is that you are currently projecting your frustration through the addictive outlet of social media and the internet. THINK, THINK WOMAN OR I WILL THROTTLE YOU! Contemplate on your actions and why they make others sad.

Let’s dissect the psychology of a textbook troll. Take away the context of their life situation and focus on the main attributes.

Internet trolls are sanguine sadists, who derive joy from the hardship of others. They enjoy inflicting pain on strangers to make themselves feel better or more in control. In the case of a troll, bullying people over the internet brings them pleasure by reducing their own uncertainty.

Any mental health professional would be wary to diagnose you without getting the full picture through a few sessions, but I’m not any doctor, I am the MASKED ARISTOCRAT! Slip me 50 dollars and I will diagnose and pump clinical medication into your system.

Diagnosing someone in the medical field means that that person fulfils a list of criteria as designated by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – jumping to a conclusion that you or someone you know is a psychopathic sadist without my express words, verifying as much, is definitely not the way to go about it, so let’s dissect your question more comprehensively.

From first glance I can see that you have entered a highly stressful living situation, on top of the day-to-day dealings with the black death that threatens us all. You have lost your job, begun taking Centrelink payments, BECAUSE YOU ARE VERMIN and are engaging in unhealthy practices to boost dopamine and serotonin.

I don’t doubt that you are experiencing some level of addiction with trolling. In fact I would assert that you are AN ADICCT! It is imperative that you are strapped to a chair, where you will be bludgeoned and electrocuted until we elicit a confession, pleas for atonement or a cure.

By causing mayhem on the internet, you find it funny or amusing and therefore are rewarding yourself. Any time we reward ourselves, we start to feel happy and jubilant. You want to harness the power of mirthful stimuli, to increase your flow of pleasure. THAT IS NOT ALLOWED! That is what addicts and unscrupulous rogues do, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME! YOU ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY BY PROFFERING ME MONEY AND BEING DOPED UP ON EXPERIMENTAL MEDICINE, OR YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY AT ALL!

The problem is that when you are happy, you want the joy to last indefinitely. As a result, you go to greater and greater lengths to acquire said mirth. Initially, you might just be lambasting and vilifying a homosexual, or browsing forums where trolls congregate, but then gradually you plunge into the abyss of gloom, where you will start incorporating horrid acts into your trolling, like kidnapping one of your victims and killing them on a Twitch Livestream, which isn’t A Ok.

I recommend that you DRINK A GLASS OF WATER, ANY GLASS OF WATER! Make sure that it is tap water and make it a scalding brew so you burn the roof of your mouth. Then take a walk and book yourself in for an appointment with I, the MASKED ARISTOCRAT. Focus my dumpling, on positive avenues of pleasure, rather than hours of engaging in virtual terrorism over the internet.