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12 of 28 (43%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Unlocked 22 May @ 5:44am

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 22 May @ 5:48am

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 22 May @ 5:48am

Meet Your Maker

Penetrate God.
Unlocked 2 Jul @ 12:42pm

Summer Job

Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 5:09am

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 6 Jun @ 1:21pm

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 6:46am

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 5:25am

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 5:26am

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 5:20am

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 5:47am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 29 Sep @ 6:48am



Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+1

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