My Best Qualities:

Bad Aim: ✔
Use Deagle and lose often: ✔
Good Comms: ✔ (except for bad days)
Always gets bad teammates from my bad luck: ✔ (Kill me)
Request the enemy team to have aids every game: ✔
Blame deaths on lag or laptop: ✔
Buy AWP's, become broke, then loses it without getting kills: ✔
Have a penis: ✔
30 fps: ✔
Below 40 fps: ✔
Touch grass regularly: ✔
Smarter than every American alive: ✔
Take off headset before raging: ✔
Needs to run laps around the house to calm down every time of death: ✔
Needs to take a dump right now: ✔
Very rarely is called a hacker and boosted ego enough not to kill myself: ✔
Calls hacks on everyone: ✔
Addicted to pizza: ✔

Amen to that

"On the bright side, I'm not addicted to cocaine" - Sun Tzu