Ｇａｐｅ Ｎｅｗｅｌｌ's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:47pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:57pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 1:08pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 10:50pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 4:55pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:15pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:06am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 7:40pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 10:09pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 31 Dec, 2017 @ 4:06pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 31 Dec, 2017 @ 7:06pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 1 Jan, 2018 @ 12:38pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 8:02pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 8:19pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Unlocked 26 Jan, 2018 @ 10:02pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:53am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 14 Jul, 2018 @ 4:06pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 4:58am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:40am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 10:35pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 1:06am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 11:37pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 9:57pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 12 Jul, 2018 @ 7:44pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 26 Jan, 2018 @ 10:06pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:42pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:57am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 6:58pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 11:25pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Unlocked 31 Dec, 2017 @ 7:08pm

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 10:25pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 4:48pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 1:17pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 9:57pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 1:04pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:42pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 7:27pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 8:14pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 8:09pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:10pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:17pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:40pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:00am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 31 Dec, 2017 @ 4:33pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 26 Jan, 2018 @ 9:43pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 29 Dec, 2017 @ 5:19pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 13 Jul, 2018 @ 11:10pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 10:53pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 3:31am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 10:33pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 10:13pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 15 Jun, 2018 @ 6:36pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 1 Jun, 2018 @ 11:47pm

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 9:28pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 30 Jun, 2023 @ 6:02pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 12:08am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.

Unlocked 30 Dec, 2017 @ 11:00pm

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.

Unlocked 2 Jul, 2023 @ 1:00am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 5:01am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 1 Jan, 2018 @ 12:39pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 10:42pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

Unlocked 1 Jul, 2023 @ 8:51pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

18 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

0 / 30