at my college, two rooms were connected through one bathroom, known as a "suite." my "suitemates" kept hogging the bathroom, so the only way I could use the restroom if they were taking a shower would be to run from the third floor all the way down to the basement. you probably know that if you had some sort of emergency and didn't have time to run down 4 flights of stairs, this would not go well for you. I already had to start pissing in the sink while they were in there, but this was far different. I had to ♥♥♥♥ in the sink. this did not come out as a liquid like I thought it would. this was a log, and I had to mash this thing up with my hands to get it down the drain. I learned a bit about sewage that day, and the concept of "fatberg." fatberg is the term used to describe more denser clumps of sewage made of non biodegradable substances, paper towels, and most importantly, fat. because not many people end up touching their crap with their hands, it did not cross my mind that I could not get rid of the thing just by turning on the faucet because of these clumps of fat layered within it, and after a while without results, I started mashing, but unbeknownst to me, the pungent aroma of these clumps of fat was the most rancid odor I have ever had the displeasure of smelling in my entire life. I would have puked but that would have only made the sink situation worse. somehow, I managed to get the sink clean, and then immediately took a shower. it took a couple days of spraying air freshener to truly purge the odor.

One day, I woke up tired from having stayed up until 3 AM. When I put on my clothes, I realize the pants I wanted to wear were a bit dirty so I try to do some spot removal with some of the soap I had. All of the sudden, I enter a dream-like state while looking for the bottle of soap I had under my bed, and a 1950s style salesman shows up with shelves upon shelves of soap. He then organizes three bottles into a neat formation as a “soap family.” A family photo of these bottles with faces and clothing flashes in my vision and two of the bottles and the salesman fade away as the dream ends, leaving only one real bottle: a bottle of Head and Shoulders. Of course, one would never use this brand of Head and Shoulders for spot removal on black pants because it was a bright blue color. At this point, things get a bit fuzzy, as I remember going back to bed, waking up again, and feeling a strange aftertaste in my mouth, with my stomach aching. I go to the bathroom and throw up soon after, with my vomit tasting like Head and Shoulders and bubbles filling the toilet (which I had practically cleaned. Now, every time I smell Head and Shoulders I gag a little.

I play Airsoft as a hobby, and I decided that, when going to college, I wouldn't want to drive to and from school just to get my guns, so I stored them in my car. On one rainy night, I left my door slightly ajar, and one of my campus' Public Safety officers decided to do some digging, and found a holstered and unloaded firearm in the compartment of my passenger-side door. Now, obviously this shouldn't be a big deal-- These aren't deadly weapons we're talking about, and they weren't even high-power Airsoft guns, and the most I could do with them is piss people off. They decided to hold a disciplinary hearing, and by the end of it I'm sitting there glad I got it over with, especially in the case that I wouldn't have to tell my parents. Lo and behold, I get an email telling me that I have been SUSPENDED from the college. I call my parents immediately, and we set up an appeal. We spend days writing this appeal memo, pulling out all the stops, calling lawyers, other family members, and even the lady that held the disciplinary hearing, and all signs pointed to my sentence being overturned. Alas, if the story ended there, it wouldn't be worth telling. I hear back from the school that I have been denied appeal, and that I would need to move out by the next day. If you think this it's insane that I was kicked out of school for having a mere facsimile of a firearm, think again, as my parents tell me they called the dean of students, and tell me to talk to him in-person. I go to his office and his assistant tells me that he left sick not 5 minutes before I arrived. I call my mom (a lawyer) and she explains that she began listing off reasons why the school didn't grant me due process, and the dean started stuttering and acting nervous, and kept saying "let me talk to your son. Let me talk to him." and hung up. So this guy fled his office because he didn't want to deal with all this. He just wanted me thrown out and to be done with it. For the BB gun. That can't actually hurt people. The school then made me write an apology letter for readmission, and forced my family to pay several thousands of dollars more in tuition fees, as well as causing my mother to start smoking again. I also crashed my car going to the part-time job I was forced to take up while I was suspended. Thanks.

Understand that in another life, I could have been a serial murderer or a terrorist of some kind. The only thing that holds me back is the fear of getting caught. I could never reach the notoriety of someone like Jack the Ripper in this day and age because of how much law enforcement has advanced in the last century. Thus, I am content with playing along within the boundaries of societal norms, but just know that I would be willing to commit any act, no matter how heinous, should no one be there to stop me. Yeah, I'm just a sick and twisted guy. Get over it.

this is indisputable. if you have an issue, I will suck on your fingers really hard.


Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare 2
SCP Containment Breach
Kirby Super Star (Ultra)
Hitman: Blood Money
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Stalker: Anomaly
Cruelty Squad
Super Mario 64 (the DS version is good too)
Binding of Isaac: Rebirth
Half-Life: Opposing Force
Pizza Tower
Hylics 1 & 2
Castle Crashers
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
SOMA
Postal Redux

this is indisputable. if you have an issue, I will suck on your fingers really hard.

Nightmare Before Christmas
The Thing (1982)
Batman Returns
Corpse Bride
WALL-E
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Robocop
Goodfellas
Aliens
The Mask
The Incredibles
Megamind
Who Framed Roger Rabbit


I ran out of movies so here are some shows too

Superjail!
Samurai Jack
Xavier Renegade Angel
The Simpsons (the good seasons)
Chernobyl
The Sopranos
Batman: The Animated Series
Smiling Friends
Clone High (2002)
The Last of Us (The games SUCK!!!)
The Penguin