Cheats are like tampons, every ♥♥♥♥♥ needs one.

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in a cloud of smoke, thouroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow. What a ride!"

Listening to your girlfriend is like reading "terms & conditions". You understand nothing but you still click on "I agree" anyways.
Is my ♥♥♥♥ an instrument, because your mom was blowing it last night
The McDonald's 1 dollar menu, where you can get 2 chins on the price of one. :)
I broke up with my gym :( we were just not working out.

why get thinner when u can have dinner?

why have abs when u can eat kebabs?

you can't face ur problems if ur face is the problem

<20:16:29> "Not-So-Ninja": Myself and Razor estimate that you have been gone around 8 or 10 weeks now, we can only assume that you where in fact, taken by aliens. We've decided to adopt a Swedish child and raise it to replace you for our CSGO team.
<20:17:45> "Not-So-Ninja": It's been 8 years now, little Seven is really learning the CSGO world now and got his first ace yesterday. It brought a tear to myself and Razors eyes. He reminds us of you, in so many ways. Mainly he speaks broken English.
<20:18:59> "Not-So-Ninja": It's been 13 years now, we've taken little Seven out of school to practise CSGO 18 hours a day... He's exceptional at CSGO however is so pale now his skin reflects all light, basically making him a mirror.
<20:20:03> "Not-So-Ninja": 18 years have past since you left for dinner, Little Sevens skin became so reflective that when Razor opened the microwave a beam of pure light bounced of Little Sevens head, hit the ceiling and setting our studio flat on fire. RIP.

I would drag my balls through 5 miles of broken glass and rusty nails just to hear you fart over a walkie talkie!

My grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my father said to him "if you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately." Tears welled up his eyes when he realised what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My father said to me- "Don't ever smoke. Please don't ever put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 23, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because this game gave me cancer anyway.

why is it that if a man ♥♥♥♥♥ a lot of women he is a champion and when a girl ♥♥♥♥♥ a lot of guys she is a slut? - answer
"A key that opens a lot of locks, it's a master key. A lock that opens up with any key it's worthless".

LMAOSHIFOTTAASALOTF ----> Laughing My Ass Off So Hard I Fell Off The Toilet And Accidentally ♥♥♥♥ A Little On The Floor.

Why Did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did it have to get to the other side? To go to the bar. Why did it have to go to the bar? To go to the toilet. Why did it have to go to the toilet? Because that's where all of the ♥♥♥♥♥ hang out.