I played some Team Fortress 2 as the Heavy and felt extremely Russian. I started to speak Russian as a primary language. I started to worship Vladimir Putin. I watched Soviet movies, read Soviet books, and learned the entire Cyrillic alphabet. Eventually, I went to the deep south with my brother. I decided to go around reading a great book by a Russian author, in Russian. Some guys saw me. These guys were total rednecks. They told me that I was a communist and I should not be in the USA. I simply said "Cyka" as a reply. Little did I know that one of them learned Russian to find spies. I embraced my inner self, and simply let loose. "Now is good time to run." I told them. They pulled out shotguns and started shooting me, but I felt nothing. I broke all their necks by punching their tiny little heads in. I then legally changed my name to Ivan and bought a minigun and told my mom I was going to be a Heavy Weapons Guy. She said no, and then told me what I was doing, which was moving in with my aunt and uncle. That is how I became the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I played some Team Fortress 2 as the Heavy and felt extremely Russian. I started to speak Russian as a primary language. I started to worship Vladimir Putin. I watched Soviet movies, read Soviet books, and learned the entire Cyrillic alphabet. Eventually, I went to the deep south with my brother. I decided to go around reading a great book by a Russian author, in Russian. Some guys saw me. These guys were total rednecks. They told me that I was a communist and I should not be in the USA. I simply said "Cyka" as a reply. Little did I know that one of them learned Russian to find spies. I embraced my inner self, and simply let loose. "Now is good time to run." I told them. They pulled out shotguns and started shooting me, but I felt nothing. I broke all their necks by punching their tiny little heads in. I then legally changed my name to Ivan and bought a minigun and told my mom I was going to be a Heavy Weapons Guy. She said no, and then told me what I was doing, which was moving in with my aunt and uncle. That is how I became the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.