One of the best reviews of all time ( Dank Souls : Prepare To Cry Edition )
~I saw this game on sale for $6.79.
I had $6.78.
I cried, prayed to gaben for a cent, masturbated, then cried some more.
Eventually, I ended up breaking into a zoo at 4:20 in the night and stealing a monkey.
I then went to a dogfighting ring, entered my monkey, and bet my life savings on the match.

The guy whose dog I was fighting started yelling at me, "THAT'S NOT A DOG YOU IGNORANT ♥♥♥♥FACE, I HOPE YOU DIE IN A ♥♥♥♥ING ♥♥♥♥, I WILL STEP ON YOU AND END YOU, THAT'S A ♥♥♥♥ING MONKEY!"

I calmly replied, "So is your mum."

The poor sap then broke down crying and bawling his eyes out, and forfieted our match, which meant I won 1 cent as the prize.
I immediately rushed and put that cent into my Steam Wallet, giving me $6.79.
I purchased the game, and waited for 18 hours, doing a sacrificial ritual to the internet gods.
Then, it happened.

It finished installing. I could now play the game.
As I launched it and waited for the first time setup, I prepared myself to die.
Two minutes into the game, I died.
On the menu.