"Born and raised in rural Mississippi, with a loving mother and sparse father. I had more than 35 siblings (most of which did not make it past their first winter sadly). My mother passed away at the age of 85, and is buried in our family swamp in Leland, Mississippi. I moved to Hollywood soon after to seek a life for myself.

My only surviving sibling is Karmit, my slightly younger brother whom I love dearly. He stays away from the Big Screen, opting for more of a poetic life, living in a log cabin in northern Norway, with his Nordic wife and small family. We keep in touch and connect every so often.

I married Miss Piggy in the summer of 1979, and lived happily together until 1990, after I found out she had been in an affair with Sam the Eagle for a few years. We divorced on May 10th, 1990 and she told me that I was the father of twins she was pregnant with. I moved to New York with a number of the cast members from the show after we finished airing.

After years of being on the show, I had developed a rather nasty alcohol addiction to help bury the stress of show business and had gotten belligerent a number of times, which she used to get full custody over our unborn children. To this day, I have not seen their faces nor known what their names are. All I know is that they are biologically mine and that they are twins, but I have no more information than that.

This took a toll on me and I drank my sorrows away. One night in September of 1991, I was drunk behind the wheel and accidentally killed my dearest friend and partner on the Muppets Show, Fozzie Bear. I ran from the scene of the crime and was eventually found and arrested by police, with enough evidence to connect me to the crime and put me away for 1st degree puppetslaughter.

My lawyers (paid for with the remaining money the show had brought me) had gotten me off with only light community service and a full 2 years of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings twice per week. Although I had gotten off almost Scott-free, the memory still haunts me to this day about what my friend's final moments were like...

I now live in the basement of an apartment complex in the heart of New York City with my adopted son Kremit who I found in a local orphanage when he was only 6 months old. I try to give him the best life I possibly can, even with my tight budget and long hours at work. I hope he'll one day make a life for himself and find his place in the world where he can shine like a star. Maybe I can teach him how not to fall from grace like his old man did, and shine so much brighter than I did.

Only time can tell.

That's my story and the reason you can find me perusing the servers on Team Fortress 2, a shell of a man that once was famous.

Open for trading, telling jokes, and for giving advice on life and love. You can find me on here playing TF2 or out and about drinking like I don't have a liver to lose."

(If you find me in real life, please interact with me. Don't be shy. I only bite occasionally)