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18 of 28 (64%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 9:33am

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 9:33am

Summer Job

Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 10:01am

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 9:42am

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 4:34pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 30 May, 2019 @ 1:30pm

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Unlocked 8 Jun, 2019 @ 4:24am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 22 May, 2019 @ 4:34pm

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:52pm

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:51pm

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:37pm

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 11:54am

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:23pm

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 3:05pm

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:54pm

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 12:48pm

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 2:48pm

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Unlocked 12 May, 2019 @ 11:39am



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

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