DIVA DOWN 🔥🔥🔥 JIMMY CARTER DIED 💀

🚨BREAKING🥜♥♥♥♥♥♥♥🚨NEWS🚨: JIMMY 🛠️ CARTER 👴 HAS🌎OFFICIALLY➡️ASCENDED ☁️ OUT 🛸OF THE PEANUT-USSY✨AFTER ⏳100 YEARS💪OF ABSOLUTE🔥BADASSERY 🥳THIS 🏠 MAN BUILT 🛠️ MORE HOMES 🔨THAN 🧱 LEGO, WON🕊️A NOBEL-USSY🏆AND OUTLIVED💀EVERYONE⭐️NOW
👼HE'S IN HEAVEN'S☁️OVALOFFICE 🛋️ROASTING 🔥 NIXON 💀 WITH LINCOLN 🎩 AND PROBABLY TEACHING 👨‍🏫REAGAN ✍️HOW TO BE LESS ✋ OF A ♥♥♥♥ 🍆 SIPPING 🍹 SWEET TEA🍑, AND DECORATING 🖼️WITH RAINBOWS🌈 REST 🙏 IN POWER 💪, JIMMY👑HEAVEN'S🏰NEW ICON🌟LONG LIVE🔥THE CARTER-USSY🌟🍑💫✨!

🤠🎄 GIDDY UP 🐴🐎👋 JINGLE ♥♥♥♥♥!!! 👯‍♂️🍆🔥🍑👅❄️👋😹🎁 SEXMAS 🎄☃️❄️🎅🛷🎁💚❤️ is here 🤩 and U’ve sure been N A U G H T Y…!! 😈🤭🤤😏😍😜 All year 📅 Santa 🎅😍 has been watching 👁️ u FAP 👊💦😩 and tonite 🌚✨ he’s cuming 👣🦌🛷 to give u his 😳🎁 BIG PACKAGE!!!! 🎁🍆🤤 To get gingerBRED 🍪🍑👈 just 🍬🍭👅 POP💥🤸 that Peppermint ♥♥♥♥♥ 🍭🌭🍬🎇 n wait under the mistleHOE 🌿🎋😘🍒😱 with a nice cup of hot COCKolate ☕️🍆🔥 Jolly Old 🎅 Saint ♥♥♥♥ 🙏😌😍 will shove 👊 his 🍆💦🟢 Jingle Balls 🔴🎄🤤💦 right down ⬇️⏬🔽 ur 😣 TiGHT lil CHIMNEY! 🍑😫🤤🏠 U better watch out… 👀🙇 hes 🎅 gonna make u cry 😱😏😩🍆💦😜💦

OMMMGGG NOOO MY TURKEY SLUT IM SO SORRY I DIDNT SEND YOU ONE!! I am ASHAMED!!! You can be one of santas slutty elves instead

👏🏼🗓️ITS THE NATIONAL🫡🇺🇸DAY FOR GIVING😏👅AND RECEIVING 😩😍HAPPY TAINTSGIVING 🍗👀THE EURO-PEE-ONS 💧🌽CAME 💦TO PLYMOUTH ROCK 🍆🪨HARD 🫦🥴STUFFED 👉🏼👌🏼THEIR TURQUEEFS 🦃🫢AND 😛💧GUZZLED GRAVY😶‍🌫️☔️ COVERED GIZZARDS 🥜TODAY 🫵🏼WE CELEBRATE👏🏼 BY BUTTERING 👅🧈ROLLS 🥐🎃PUMP-KIN ✊🏼💦CREAM 🥛👉🏼IN PIES 🥧AND EATING 👄cASSeroles 🍑CALL UP 📲YOUR MASHED 😉POTATHOES 😮‍💨AND 🦃TURKEY THOTS 🏃🏻‍♀️😈AND SPLIT 🙌🏽YOUR WISHBONER 🦴WITH THEM💥➡️SEND THIS TO 1️⃣0️⃣ OF YOUR🤩 HORNY-COPIAS📯🎉GET 1️⃣0️⃣ BACK AND UR ‼️🤯 GETTING STUFFED👊🏼2️⃣NIGHT 🍖🙀GET LESS😵⬇️THAN 5️⃣AND YOURE 🫨❌A BLUMPKIN PIE😰🍰

*waits for it to get cold to drop some ice cubes in it and slurp it* YAY COLD BREW

☕ for you because it is becoming colder these days my friend