I want to sleep with you. No I don't mean have sex. I mean sleep. Together. Under a blanket. In your bed. While you're laying on my arm, with my other hand on your tummy. With the window cracked, so it's chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just the muffled cries that you slowly let seep away from you blood gurgling mouth as I slit your throat and sacrifice you worthless life to the dark overlord.
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I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWW WWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”
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I'm on the wrong side of Heaven, and the righteous side of Hell.
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If you want words to live your life by,
Walk the graves, walk the graves.
It’s written on the head stones.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, “My hands are freezing cold.”

The mother replied, “Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.” The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, “My hands are freezing cold.

“The girl replied, “Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.” He did, and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, “My nose is cold.”

The girl replied “Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up.” He did, and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, “My p*n*s is freezing cold.”

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, “Have you ever heard of a p*n*s?”

Slightly concerned the mother said, “Why, yes. Why do you ask?”

The daughter replies, “They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they!”

Mother fainted.