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14 of 28 (50%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 5:25pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 5:25pm

Summer Job

Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 5:57pm

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 5:33pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 6:09pm

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 6:10pm

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 7:04pm

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 3 May, 2023 @ 2:17pm

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Unlocked 1 May, 2023 @ 5:23am

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 7:12pm

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Unlocked 3 May, 2023 @ 1:41pm

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Unlocked 16 May, 2023 @ 3:03pm

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Unlocked 1 May, 2023 @ 5:34am

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Unlocked 30 Apr, 2023 @ 7:23pm



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

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