So I figured out that when you did your rounds at night,

I had about a couple of minutes to myself to, uh…

well, to, uh, to do what boys do.

[chuckles]

And-and that would be the only time of day

that I would feel anything good.

So this one night, uh, I couldn’t get finished in time.

And you caught me with my pants down.

You had a really, really good laugh at me.

Remember?

That’s when you nicknamed me Squirt.

I got to be honest with you, Marty…

[sighs]

…you really hurt my feelings.

I am very sorry.

What’s done is done.

Water under the bridge.

Ha.

[chuckling] But stay there a sec.

[clears throat]

I do want you to jerk off in front of us right now.

Hey, uh, guys, come on over here.

Come on. Yeah.

We’re all gonna laugh at you. Okay?

Yeah.

That way, you will know how it feels,

and I think I’m gonna feel better.

[nervous laughter]

Homelander…

…I am really very sorry.

[Homelander] I know, I know.

Thank you.

Now, don’t be shy.

Take your pants down.

Now.

Mm-hmm.

That’s the spirit.

[laughing]

[hysterical laughter]

Marty, it looks like you’re shucking a little mushroom.

Oh, that poor little thing.

[grunting]

[laughing]

Cheer for him. Come on.

Squirt. Squirt. Squirt.

Aw.

Not off to a great start, huh?

Tell you what, I’ll give you a little motivation.

You get hard right now,

or I’m gonna laser your ♥♥♥♥ off.

Okay?

[snickering]

Something to play for now. Mm?

Use it or lose it, Marty.

Your life is literally in your hands.

Come on, Squirt.

[Homelander laughing]

Yes!

More spit, Marty, more spit. That’ll work.

Come on!

Put your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ back into it. Attaboy.

I can’t.

Come on, Marty!

I’m sorry.

Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay.

It’s okay. Honestly, it-it happens to a-a lot of guys.

Truly. Not me, of course.

[chuckles] Ah…

[screaming]

[maniacal laughter]

[groaning]

That’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ squirt, Marty.

Whoa, whoa! You’re getting ♥♥♥♥ blood on my boots, Marty.

[maniacal laughter]

[woman] Stop it, John.

Barbara.

Um, the cake’s melted, I’m afraid.

[sighs] Please put him out of his misery.

[Homelander sighs]

I forgive you, Marty.

[crunching]