CHECK OUT ZAYNE'S NEWEST MUSICAL SINGLE HERE:
https://zaynebenedict.bandcamp.com/album/zayne-benedicts-first-single


Zayne Benedict III AKA Zayne "Broodblood" Benedict III AKA Zayne "Lodestar" Benedict III AKA Zayne "Apollo" Benedict III AKA Zayne "Broodblood Lodestar Apollo" Benedict III is a man that needs no introduction but seeing as you (the reader) are stupid and frankly a bit smelly, I will give you a history. Do not fret heathens, I will explain this in your primitive style of articulation and rhetoric...


Zayne was born in two parts: My husk and my core. My husk grew out of the primal soup known as Earth billions of years ago. My core spawned within a mythical green glowing cloud known to pass over Earth from the heavens once every 10^32 years. Yes that is older than the known universe but little did you know Zayne Benedict is beyond a universal level being. I am even beyond multiversal, perhaps even outerversal. The handsome mug you see here in my expert style of typing is simply a simple (see what I did there?) form I've manifested in order to speak properly to you low-lander local yokels.

I am very nice, empathetic, sympathetic, humble, handsome, tall, smart, humble, and perhaps too powerful for normal goons, dorks, Goombas, and Koopa Troopas to understand.

I am naturally a misunderstood genius of sorts but of course if you had half a brain cell you'd understand as much. If you truly understand my expert, perplexing, and majestic creations then perhaps you have somewhat of a future within my domain.

If there is any truth to the above statement, I may in fact take you on as a disciple. You will have to pass a series of tests however. I will list the 3 main test to become my disciple below...

THE THREE STEP PLAN:

1.) Change your name to something cool, like "Knight Elsworth", "Oceanic Pacifica", or "Beebert Bonsai Beltington". (Zayne Benedict and all other variations are already taken, copywritten, trademark, and patented by me, Zayne Benedict).

2.) Listen to at least 5 of my albums, EPs, or singles (ask for a link, kindly and quickly for I am very busy with being epic and cool) and marvel at their greatness. If you die of amazement I will bring you back to life with my Staff of Zayne. Only one freebie though, can't help you after that unless you have a VERY GOOD REASON.

3.) Believe everything I say, never question my wisdom, worship me and I will grant you good grace and fortune.


If you passed all of those tests, DM me so I can draw you a picture of your feeble efforts to impress me. I thank all my serfs : )

CHECK OUT ZAYNE'S NEWEST MUSICAL SINGLE HERE:
https://zaynebenedict.bandcamp.com/album/zayne-benedicts-first-single


Hair color: Silver

Eye color: Clear

Height: 7'5

Level of hotness: Beyond perfect

IQ: 160

Hometown: Anchorage, Alaska, USA, North America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe 177B, Multiverse 1,009E, Hyperverse 30,351W, Outerverse 112,583,224,256,007Z

Occupation: Anesthesiologist, Model, Professional golf player, Visionary

MBTI: ENTJ (Te-Ni-Se-Fi) (Obviously...) (Social introvert, cognitive extrovert)

Enneagram: 3w4

Enneagram tritype: 358

Temperament: Phlegmatic

Political affiliation: Dark woke

Religious affiliation: A mix between Jainism and Gokuism

Gender: Depends but usually demi-man, dream-gender, and/or nightmare-gender

Blood type: AB negative

Favorite TV shows: American Pickers, Man VS Wild, Hell's Kitchen, Ghetto Smosh, Total Drama Island, Code Lyoko, Death Note, the various TV shows I have starred in

Favorite Movies: A Muppet Christmas Carol, The Muppet Christmas Movie, The Muppets Letters to Santa, The Star Wars Holiday Special, The Great Muppet Caper, The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Hit Manhattan, The John Lennon Christmas Movie, The Cat in the Hat, Bring Me the Head of Charlie Brown, the various movies I have starred in

Favorite Books: How to Play Piano for Dummies, The Enchiridion, The Necronomicon, DSM-5, The Kama Sutra, the various books I have written

Favorite Music: Death, Morbid Angel, Tomb Mold, Iwrotehaikusaboutcannibalisminyouryearbook, The Newfound Interest in Connecticut, The Summer We Went West, Blink-182, Reel Big Fish, Barry Manilow, Bon Jovi, Duran Duran, Merzbow, The Singing Carpenters, Elton John, Mackelmore, The various pieces of music I have created

Favorite Foods: Apples (but only the green ones!) (One could say I might be a Shinigami...)

Favorite Animals: Birds and The Bees

Favorite Video Games: TF2 (Obviously...), Microsoft Solitaire, Link: The Faces of Evil, Die Hard (NES), Call of Duty: Ghosts, Family Guy: Video Game!, My Pokémon Ranch, Angry Birds, Wii Sports, Face Raiders, Russian Car Driver, Purble Place, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games [Wii], Star Wars: Yoda Stories, Wii Music, Asagao Academy, Agar.io, Eatcells

Favorite Fictional Characters: Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus (duh), L, Light Yagami, Near, Shrek, Popeye, Goku, Goku Black, Red Goku, White Goku, Zane from Ninjago (duh), Owen from Total Drama Island, Big Chungus, The Fictional Ghost Version of Leonard Nimoy from The Big Bang Theory, Frank Woods, Alex Mason, Raul Menendez, John Madden

Specs: Quantum Computer