Recent reviews by Uncle

Seeing "Post Malone Reacts to Battle Pass" in my news feed is exactly what I envision whenever I purchase a game like this

Hey Miyazaki. While you were busy looking at chubby little tarsals I guess you forgot to add music and ambience and 50% of the sound effects you'd need to make a game. Do better next time and maybe don't make your final boss a geriatric fat guy that dies in 3 ripostes. This. Ain't. It. Chief.

Humiliation ritual.

"Why are you downvoting an indie game when you only have 1 hour logged?" I hear you screech before I can press the shiny blue-grey "Post review" button.
Because, you insipid swine, this game has no identity. I was promised an emotional journey that is an allegory for the plight of the working class, but instead what I got was the further perpetuation of postcolonial power structures. The game description promised hundreds of mind-bending puzzles in an engaging Sokoban-like with, and I quote, "[g]reat graphics and fun animations" (EnsenaSoft, 2016). This includes a supposed "Head Banger" mode, where there was nary a puzzle or piece of music that could elicit such a response in me. Indeed, Pepe Porcupine doesn't have a single banger, slapper, or bop to its name. Its paltry music selections leave much to be desired.
"But cute reviewer," you say, "the mindless drivel that the game passes off as music is a deliberate stylistic choice, as it reflects the tedium of blue-collar workers' day-to-day lives!" In another life, I'd agree with you, but this is regrettably not the case in Pepe Porcupine. I have reason to believe that Pepe Porcupine is merely a tool of the oppressor, a personification of Theory X, and the upholder of Big Sokoban's modus operandi (likely in tandem with Big Logistics, but that's a story for another review). Nay, in the world of Pepe Porcupine, bless his heart, he is content in his tasks, happy to get by doing the bare minimum. His little "yippee" and other such joyous ejaculations are evidence of his complacence. He has taken is gramme of soma for the day. He is happy being a tool. This is an inaccurate reflection of the working man, for Pepe Porcupine has no pride.
Oh, and back to the story, the levels, the "fun animations." Nonexistent. There is no backbone in Pepe Porcupine's rig. His skeleton is one without bones. He is a jelly-like being of squalor. The animation has about as much love put into it as Pepe Porcupine's corporate overlords have for him. Sure, the levels are there, but they fail to iterate upon the classic Sokoban formula in any meaningful way. There are no new mechanics introduced as you progress. Pepe Porcupine's world is one where there is no hope of moving forward, of moving up, or of moving out. Perchance.
What else is there to say about Pepe Porcupine, then? Any more evaluating and deconstructing and I fear I'd be giving this game more respect than it gives its players. Than it gave my hard-earned money. We need to do better. This. Ain't. It.

autism

Allow me to preface this review by saying that I am a twisted strand-type gamer. I have the skin of a precious pachyderm and a stomach that can digest up to seven or eight femur bones without a hitch. I am strong and I am brave. So when I say that this game is filthy and vile, I truly mean it.
Being a twisted metroidvania gamer means that the goriest of horror, the darkest of plots, and the most grungy of grindhouse aesthetics do not faze me. Years of generational trauma and urban living have hardened me to the point that I wouldn't blink in the face of danger or if I got hit with a heavy branch or something. Nothing hurts. Yet Blood and Bacon is disgusting. It fills me with nothing but nausea and revulsion. There's certainly plenty of things to give it credit for. Yes, gore is awesome, and yes I love seeing things explode. These things are intrinsic to twisted Grandpa-like gamers such as myself. I love how the farmer has so much reactivity and creative dialogue. I love how there is clearly love put into the worldbuilding and lore. But all of it is for naught, because the game lacks a gut.
Yeah, I said it. It is horrible to behold, it is sickening, but it it gutless. Guns lack tactical reload animations. The immersive-smells of the environment are purely repugnant with no reprieve. It never lets up. You are wallowing in filth through and through, day in and day out. It is thankless and it is a slog. By playing Blood and Bacon, you become the bacon. You become the swine eating your swill and crawling through mud, blood, and paltry earnings. I play video games to escape this life. I took an oath and became a twisted Metal Gear Survive-like gamer so I could explore great and frightening worlds that are unlike my own. So I could experience a momentary end to the swine-world we inhabit. Yet this game does nothing more than imitate the filth of man. It is banal and it is artless. When you play Blood and Bacon, you are playing society. You are viewing horrible things and listening to awful, ear-splitting, headache-inducing noises at a bitrate and frequency specifically engineered to give you a hernia and, with enough time, an aneurysm. This is the world of Blood and Bacon. It is a world where you feel misery and pain for no reason other than for the sake of being painful and miserable. It says nothing and does nothing to elevate the experience, the medium, the genre, or anything in between. Only play if you hate joy.

They turnt Trash Issac into a pronoun

John Carpenter does it again! Sending off the Almaverse with an explosive albeit tragic finale was the only way F.E.A.R. fans could see things through. What started as a badly written action FPS in 2005 that was ahead of its time in innumerable ways is finally concluded in F.E.A.R. 3 (or F.3.A.R. if you'd be so inclined) with an even more cinematic, mind-bending and mind-numbing experience the likes of which you have surely seen dozens of times before with any and every other console FPS released between 2007-2019. The shocking finale is one for the ages and not one to forget! If horror is your forte, then look no further, because a plethora of horror tropes can be found here. What cannot be found here, however, is the fan-favourite character Norton Mapes.
Bravo, John!

Sighs and drums fingers against mahogany table in a confident and handsome manner. I wanted to like this game, I really did, but its glaring issues compared to Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph are inexcusable.
Where to begin? I guess I should preface this review by saying that I am a huge fan of the Save Daddy Trump series. I've played all of the levels across all three games, and I listen to its original soundtrack every day when I go to school. I didn't know there would be a Save Daddy Trump 3, since Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph seemed to wrap up all the trouble and turmoil the Trump family went through in Peaceland. Well, let's just say evil doesn't sleep. The story picks up many years after Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph, and King Pig along with his medieval fantasy allies have taken Trump away again (another fifteen times, to be exact). Kiki Trump is once again forced to take up arms in order to save him, now brandishing a wider variety of magic abilities as well as heightened proficiency with the shield and the bow, after having years to practice. Compared to Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph, Kiki's moveset feels more well-rounded and there are more viable ways to play other than just using the fireball spell and the sword like in the previous two games. The issue is, however, that maybe she has grown TOO proficient over the years, as the bow makes every single enemy a triviality at best. You are given 15 healing potions, a healing spell that has a short cooldown, as well as roughly 200 arrows AND a few dozen explosive arrows in every single level, so you'll never actually face a challenge other than when platforming, which can often lead to you clipping through the map.
Apart from that, the enemy roster seems to be worse off than before. Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph was truly a triumph in game design in how it built upon the first game's formula while offering a grimdark, brutal Soulslike experience wrapped neatly in a politically punchy and witty package. The same feeling of growth isn't here; if anything, it feels like a regression knowing that there is no incentive whatsoever to explore the levels. All you need to do is find King Pig, and then walk into Daddy Trump. There are no secrets or collectibles in this game, which really sucks out a lot of the immersion I experienced in the game's predecessors, where I would scour the maps top to bottom and uncovering themepark-esque environmental storytelling that further sells this volatile and crazy world of Save Daddy Trump.
On the topic of King Pig, I wanted to talk about the boss battle (yes, singular "battle") this game has to offer. King Pig remains the exact same in every level, and there is never anything done to add variety to his encounters, because he is always gated off in a small area. It only takes a few arrows to kill him, and there's nothing he can do about it. There are seldom other enemies nearby King Pig, so the encounters all feel the same. Compared that to the chaotic final map of Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph, or the anxiety-inducing Bank level, this feels like a shallow imitation of a better game. The enemy variety is almost unchanged since the previous games, which is also disappointing since I already know how to deal with them all, so there is no reason to even bother with them usually.

I was really excited for Save Daddy Trump 3: Rise of Evil, but it just doesn't build on what made Save Daddy Trump 2: The Final Triumph such a, well, triumph. I hope the developer(s) take my criticism to heart, and know I only say it because I want what's best for the franchise and for my fellow Save Daddy Trump kinnies. So there. I said it. Crosses arms smugly but my eyebrows are kind of pointed upward so you know that I'm still empathetic.

A very enjoyable experience that stands out as more than just a mod. It improves on everything people liked about Half Life 2 while also outdoing them in the areas that people didn't like about it. For example, the developers came to the groundbreaking realisation that fighting enemies that aren't bullet sponges actually makes combat a lot more fun. The story's fun in the sense that it's a good way to build up to the setpieces that you'd expect from a Half-Life game, but I really wish there was an option to reduce or disable the Reddit quips the protagonist has to make every 11 seconds. All in all, it's a fantastic game, but still a ripoff of Hunt Down the Freeman. Play that instead.