3 people found this review helpful
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 141.7 hrs on record (67.4 hrs at review time)
Posted: 10 Jun, 2022 @ 3:38am
Updated: 18 Sep, 2022 @ 3:05am

Early Access Review
ULTRAKILL is a must have for any FPS fans, I personally would even go as far as to say that you aren't a true FPS fan until you have played this game
Can you really be an "FPS fan" if you have not thoroughly beaten and enjoyed the grandiose title that is ULTRAKILL?
Assume you have not; do you feel a little silly? Absurd? Stupid even?
Have I not played the masterpiece, the goat, the holy grail of FPS gaming, I too would be forced and coerced by my better judgement had I not basked in its glory already.
This game isn't any fast-FPS
it is simply not, you dumb ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot. How dare you think that? How dare you utter those words, nay, how dare you even commit the crime of thinking them?
it is the fastest of all FPS's
THE fastest
wait, you think that DOOM is fast ?
Are you for real? Is that really what your empty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ head tells you? Doom? Fast? What brand of paint thinner are you on? Are you sniffing kerosine? Please, start thinking for once.
DOOM is nothing but child's play when it comes to FPS compared to this game
Doom is not even up to its toe nail. Who squeezed and twisted every drop of intellect out of your infantile brain as if it was wet towel for you to think that Doom is in any way comparable to ULTRAKILL. I'm not even going it capitalize its first letter for it might be seen as me giving it relevance it simply doesn't have.
sure the two games may not be as comparable in terms of graphics
I wipe my ass with graphics even when I'm not out of toilet paper. Who gives a ♥♥♥♥ about graphics? Seriously? I want to find that "person" and strangle it with my bare hands.
, but I would say that if you have played DOOM
, and ♥♥♥♥ you if you have for any other reason other than to gauge how much better ULTRAKILL is better than EVERYTHING else on the market. "market"... Screw the market, it's better than everything on the cross.
you will enjoy ULTRAKILL's world building and inovative mechanics,
You will. That's a promise. I'm not selling snake oil and I'm no false prophet. You will. You will orgasm and have a white river drizzle down your pants from the shier ecstasy.
and as for the pacing ?
Don't even get me started on the pacing. My god. My lord. Is the pacing just mmmmmm. Just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mmmmmmmm. Hallelujah the pacing is, and I utter this with the utmost sincerity, crisp.
You haven't seen anything yet :
You blind fools. You, you unenlightened masses, you've seen nothing. But worry not. This game will open up your third eye so you may see the truth.
ULTRAKILL is violence, raw, fast, violence, and you will love every second of it.
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5 Comments
Nebbi Nedilla 9 Feb @ 1:25pm 
Speirly, in your first sentence alone you've admitted to two cardinal sins that discredit your being as human. ULTRAKILL is an experience, much like birth, that every human being must have.

As you've said "personally", you don't like fantastic games so you obviously wouldn't like ULTRAKILL, which is better than the best; harder than the rest.

I LOVE fast pace, and it makes me HARD. If you don't like it, it's ok, really. See, when God created life, he made two types of it. The first sucked a whole lot of dick and doesn't know what the fuck it's talking about, and the second one LOVES fast pace.

But, Speiryl! Oh, the charitable, the generous Speriyl! I spit on your fuck; that is how much I don't want it. Graphics are a crutch for the unimaginative; for the undeveloped of the mind.

Had I been burdened with the same troubles as you, I would have traveled to my family's orchard, one where the most delectable of apples grow, and I would have hung myself from the first tall branch.
Speiryl 2 Feb @ 7:40am 
I've not played ultrakill and probably never will
But reviews like these enrage me because they ignore the fact people can have an opinion.
For me personally, i don't like games that are too fast paced, which is why i don't play call of duty or ultrakill.
Ultrakill is faster paced than doom, that doesn't make it any better however. its just a difference; ultrakill is faster paced and doom focuses more on graphics.
for me, doom is fast enough to enjoy but not too fast where i don't know whats going on.
Also, i give a fuck about graphics. Not because doom looks good but rather how i don't feel like spending 20 euro on a game where i shoot at a boss that is a literal cube. So come and strangle me you dehumanizing ultrakill stan. :steamhappy:
Atakin 20 Dec, 2023 @ 1:09pm 
im enlightened
ghbobf 20 Dec, 2023 @ 1:07pm 
dibi dibi dabba dabba
reu 26 Nov, 2022 @ 9:16pm 
why