Nobody can match me online and off. My big time ballin vibe I give off is just too much for people to handle. People know me, women adore me, men respect me. I am the true American Alpha.

If you unironically call me or anybody else you don't like "Toxic", you take it up the a‍‍s‍‍s. No exceptions.

I've got ​​​​b​​​​​​i​​​​​​t​​​​​​c​​​​​​h​​​​​​e​​​​​​s​​​​​​ in every corner of the world lining up to try out the American Footlong. Girls in China are using VPNs (breaking the law) just to talk to me over Facebook and you can barely talk to that cute waitress at Chik-fil-A you nerd. I bang more Asian chicks than Juice Robinson on any given 2016 Saturday Night and proud of it.

I do not use a voice changer. Hate to break it to you nerd, but my voice is just that damn sexy. No artificial ​​​​​​b​​​​​​u​​​​​​l​​​​​​l​​​​​​s​​​​​​h​​​​​​i​​​​​​t​​​​​​, its all naturally produced sexy-sounding carbon dioxide-filled vibrations. No, I am not "trying to be Cr1tiKaL", whichever no-name loser that is. If anything, that Cr1tiKaL loser is trying to be me. Women who hear my voice may feel intimidated by it, and they should because women who hear my voice recognize that they are in imminent danger of getting their ​​​​​​p​​​​​​u​​​​​​s​​​​​​s​​​​​​y​​​​​​ wet.

If you are having a hard time describing me and my greatness it's simply because that word does not exist. When the Lord blessed me with my birth, I was destined for absolute and total glory bestowed upon me by the big time ballers known as Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. If you were to look up my name "Adam" in the dictionary, you may also find the word "Levine", "Sandler", or "Lanza" next to it. But here you have found the true king, Mr. Big Time Baller himself: AdamBomber64.

What I'm doing with my life:

-Ask'n beta nerds some pretty pressin' questions
-Ball'n it hard in dat Sports Television Production
-Bang'n Vicodin like if it was going out of style to "Mountain Music"
-Be'n a big time baller, all day every day
-Doin' that work like Locomotive Kurt
-Blast'n dat "Song of the South" while being "Gone with the Wind"
-Bust'n nuts to da break beats of "Instant Crush" by Daft Punk
-Call'n K ikes out whenever I see 'em
-Hunt'n fur f a g s for pelts with my recently acquired Mosin Nagant purchased at a Texas Gun Show
-Shov'n jars of pig's blood down the throat of people named Muhammed

A few of my amazing accomplishments. Don't even try to compare yourself.

-First to find a bug in GTA V which made me unmutable and used it in a livestream
-Solely responsible for putting The Protomen's "Light Up The Night" in Rock Band 4
-Cyberbullied a kid so hard he got bullied at the school he attended
-Was called a "piece of human garbage" by the voice actor of Alucard from TeamFourStar
-Survived the Red Army
-Had head admins change the map geography of their custom TF2 maps because I kept owning them
-Created the famous list of "Things I am no longer allowed to do in Online Games" which currently has over 550+ entries
-Routinely decimated STAR_ fanboys with my release of STAR_'s other channel trailer
-Had a two month long profile war with a bunch of autistic TF2 furries and came out on top
-Made $150 due to a trade mistake by some CS:go nerd
-Handed out over 100 days of cooldowns to other CS:go nerds
-Made a twitch streamer who was also a single mom incredibly paranoid of streaming ever again
-Caused a micro-renaissance of griefing in the world of VRChat

As you can see, I am galactically superior to you in every way. Put simply, I'm better at life than you.

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Watch the new STAR_ Channel Trailer that only I have access to because I'm STAR_'s best friend. He said he quit TF2 because he routinely had to cheat in it to look good and hated his crybaby fans. His words not mine.
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Read the heartwarming conversation I had with someone because I found out he was a racist troll. After I ousted him as the nerd he was, his supposed friends shared the video at his school and he was bullied relentlessly by the big armed seniors into taking down his YouTube channel and changing his steam.
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Enjoy the time I ruined a GTA V Twitch Livestream for some Scottish kid whose balls still haven't dropped even as of this year.
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Apparently some white knight with a fetish for rainbow-haired she-twinks wrote an extensive write-up about me and a bunch of other people like me in a now non-existant post on his tumblr. Luckily, he appears to have grown out of his teeny-bopper phase unlike the rest of the modern world.
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Sip some wine to the sensual sights of me flashbanging ERPers in the asperger-ridden weeaboo cesspit known as VRChat
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