The Center for Disease Control's ZS Subdivision

Phase IV Study Links Origins of Outbreak to Poland

Senior Epidemiologist Dr.Field finds startling evidence in his Phase IV DownZSyndrome (pronouned downz-syndrome) study. Study findings reveal a high concentration of the DownZSynrome Virus in the European region of "Poland". Although an insignificant and laughable country to Europe, the populace of so called "Poland" is now the subject of controversy behind groundbreaking findings.

Dr.Field suspects that the extremely high levels of DownZSyndrome and other mental illnesses can be traced back to the events at Chernobyl in the nearby Ukraine.

The Center recently caught up with Dr.Field to further explain his findings.
"Chernobyl (as we all know) was the site of Russia’s largest nuclear reactor which experienced the biggest meltdown in world history. After the meltdown, the Soviet Union shipped their leftover radioactive waste and debris to Poland (also known as The Anus of Europe) to avoid negative impacts on the proud Ukrainian people" said Field. “The government of Poland happily accepted this gift from Russia as the gift givers promised to “put Poland on the map”” Field explained.

"To this day, Poland leads the world in mental retardation rates with a whopping 100% of Polish people being afflicted with various forms of mental and physical impairments. The most common among Polish immigrants to ZS include blindness, deafness, and dumbness. They're basically the Helen Kellers of Nox.. if Helen Keller were an illiterate retard” concluded Field.


Dr.Field is a senior Epidemiologist at The Center for ZS Player Behavioral Studies and holds seven different PhDs from the University of NoXia where he graduated in 2011.