The future is knocking. Answer the door. We dare you.

Allen Ware, LLC (/'ælɛnwɛər/[en.wikipedia.org]) is a Fortune 500 advanced technology research company. Through years of studies, Allen Ware estimates that over three quarters of the world will have access to super computers, quantum processors, and 4D printers by 2045 thanks to private funding and government contracts.

Presently, Allen Ware aims to improve the common man's everyday computing experience with its research into microtechnologies that aid in the process of creating dual-power video normalizers, intranetwork packet molders, and memory purifiers for home desktops, professional workstations, and server farms.

History

Allen Ware was mistakenly founded on December 31, 2004 by Dr. Allen Ware III (birth name Alan Mikkel Pádraic Matthew Warren IV) when he was reverse engineering an inefficient Alienware laptop in the garage of his upstate New York summer home [1] and the motherboard caught fire. Ware then relocated to Texas to take advantage of the lower tax rates as he built his new company out of a renovated nail salon.

Links

Allen Ware Official Website[poop.bike]
Project Overlord: Overtaking Alienware[pointerpointer.com]
Allen Ware in Religion[zombo.com]

References

[1]: Ware's destroyed Alienware laptop[i.imgur.com]. Photographic print. [ca. 2006]. Courtesy of Allen Ware IV.

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State of Allenware 2022

29 December, 2015 - Chud Bungus | 0 Comments

20 February 2022
Allen Ware buys out Roccat and Logitech to take 3rd place on the Top 10 Biggest Tech Companies list in North America, South America, Greenland, and Madagascar; 5th in Australia and Japan; and 1st in Sweden, Somalia, and Chad.

5 May 2022
Allen Ware celebrates Cinco de Mayo by throwing an astounding $4 billion party throughout their headquarters and satellite buildings. Offices in India were left out due to an approaching tsunami.

24 June 2022
Allen Ware merges all child companies and orders the immediate demolition of all satellite offices. Construction begins on the record-breaking 500-floor headquarters skyscraper with an estimated completion date of February 2028. Founder and CEO Dr. Allen Ware passes away in a coma.

14 September 2022
Dr. Allen Ware's death found to be caused by bad dreams about Alienware laptops. Allen Ware, LLC launches a Dream Research branch in response.

8 October 2022
Chief logistics officer Allen Ware IV accidentally ships out over 15,000 Alienware laptops and is found guilty on all 15,000 charges of federal treason punishable by deep space exile (to be carried out after establishment of the Space Exploration branch). The company responds by ordering the immediate demolition of the Dream Research branch established just one month prior.

25 December 2022
Allen Ware executes the top secret Grinch Raid (internally known as Project Overlord) to replace all Alienware laptops on the planet with Allen Ware laptops, all within a six hour window starting at 12:00 AM. The plan is a huge success.