HEY CRRAIG
HIY KYLE
NO CAP BRAYDEN

you tired of f*cking a puny chair and watching ur billionaire friends have SICKASS sock darning lessons on their plump-ass trophy couches?
BRO, double dip your shoe shine in-between these wet sofa cushions like a privileged Vice Magazine cover model. Get slapped up real good like your best friend Dustin Nathaniel David Joseph John.

slide it up SLIDE IT TWICE because this couch is gonna dap up your wide wrists like an unscratched Ford visa Bronco wagon.
this juicy lamb of the lake is gonna lather up your mind and soul right out of your smelly asshole.
you don't need a subscription to this service, baby, because you OWN IT, you bought it forever and you can hold it in your little tiny needle fingers, ripe and sloppy with gin and beef stick grease.

So rise up, workers! abolish sofas only for the rich, and feed the hungry, and let them f*ck upon the pristine wide chungaroos of a deep dish vice presidential couch. it's not a love seat, it's LOVE SEATS plural because you're riding all night and driving all day.

mac truck back up whack up that snack up stuff that food into those cushions and go full concentrated ham in The-Random-August-2024-ChairF*cking-Simulator-Update!
kill me please

• A really stupid bug with the Achievements not unlocking promptly should be fixed. The responsible horrible person has been appropriately thrown empty into the sea.
  
• New texty bits added for the sparkling chair browsing experience
  
• All of our sins