I've always wished to be a Roman. Massaged by tabard wearing servants, while wearing nought but a loose fitting sash. Tis is the dream. 5 licks.

Chocolate man should not be allowed in this game! 1 LICK.

CUMANS DO NOT BELONG IN BOHEMIA! I repeat, begone ye foul Cumans, back to the Mongol hordes from whence you came. 5 LICKS.

I must confess, I'm unsure of where I am. 1 lick.

Sadie Adler may have had her husband slaughtered, but ill always be there to comfort... and slobber over her pretty countenance. 3.5 licks.

This entire game genre was meant to be played in an arcade, not on a computer. 1 lick.

I used to flatter and seduce that ghetto trash Abigail, but now the only based waifurini ill ever covet is Penny. 4.5 LICKS!

Am I meant to look at the quest marker, or the actual game? When I fixate on the quest marker I always collide into walls and trees! 5 LICKS!

I don't understand what a quest marker is. 5 LICKS.

Oh, pretty elephants. I love pretty elephants! 3 licks.