Global Gameplay Stats

Genital Jousting

Global Achievements
 
% of all
players
Total achievements: 28
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45.6%

Go Left

Move to the left.
45.6%

Go Right

Move to the right.
32.4%

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
32.0%

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
16.0%

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
11.3%

A Better John

10.6%

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
9.4%

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
6.8%

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
6.7%

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
6.2%

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
4.8%

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
4.8%

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
4.3%

Summer Job

4.1%

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
3.8%

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
3.8%

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
3.3%

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
3.2%

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
3.1%

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
3.0%

Meet Your Maker

2.2%

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.
1.7%

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
1.6%

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
1.6%

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
1.2%

Appalling Appetite

1.2%

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
1.1%

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.