Are you looking for a source of pure wisdom? Well bruh...you came to the right place!!!!
I've been collecting info around every corner to make this guide, i've traveled across the whole planet interviewing players from lowlife silvers to players with such skill that global elites tremble when playing against them.
This guide is a short but COMPLETE list of facts and tips of how to become a master of masters, a god among gods...
Your journey to the kingdom of pure f*ckin' MLG pros begins...NOW.

Before starting i would like to ask you to take this completely seriously, this is not a game, this is real life. Some of this tips are so serious that Heath Ledger's ghost (may he rest in peace) came to me and said "dude realy...why so serious?".

Before going to the tips you should make some preparations, some of these tips are very intense and truthfull so you should relax your body and breath deeply.
After doing that for 5 minutes
And for the rest of the guide
Put this on play so the journey you're about the live will be even more epic.

"Bruh, you suck so much that now i understand why you mom sucked me off so good last night" Anonymous Silver 1 Pro MLG player.


Tip-1
Never ever ever depend on your team, actualy never stick to em. Just be there when they really need you.
*example, Dust2, you are a Terrorist and your whole team says "lets all go A since i just saw 5 guys heading B". F*ck em, go b. You can rekt em, if you want it, you'll do it.

Tip-2
Mute everyone on your team. Their voices are annoying and all they say is bulls*it. Also never do what they say. No one gives orders to you. You are a god, keep that in mind. Did greeks tell Zeus what to do? Hell no!

Tip-3
Accuse and report every single enemy player that kills you. It's imposible that he killed you with that awp being him on A and you at the other side of Long on dust 2, He has an aimbot and a wallhack, report.

Tip-4
Don't report silently! You have to make sure everyone on the server knows your opinion and aware your team about the filthy hacker that just killed you.

Tip-5
Scream at your team saying that they're a bunch of noobs. Specialy if you die the first. You didnt die because of your fault, bruh. They weren't there to help you! What? They were all at A and you died on B? Well more reasonto you! Why the heck aren't they following you!? REPORT THE FOR BAD TEAMPLAY!

Tip-6
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER Forget to insult the family of the team you're playing against on the end of first half break. Example: You noowbs suck, bruh. STFU like i shut up your grand ma last night with my giant d**k.

Tip-7
Controlled burst are for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥...SPRAY THAT MOTHERF***ER WITH THE NEGEV FROM 100M!!!!!!

Tip-8
Never forget to use words like "bruh", "m8", "get rekt", or "yo momma" insults. The last one is vital for the comunication with your teammates minions.

Tip-9
Dude! There's a guy that has a kill more than you. Vote kick and report.

Tip-10
This one is written in many guides so i will add it here too. If you have a job and money, add some funds and buy the most exclusive skins in the market. You wont be a true MLG unless you have the full asiimov colletion AT LEAST.
If you don't have a job then just ask daddy/mommy.

Tip-11
Bad at playing? Buy a hack! You'll really rekt those lowlifes and they'll see you as a real f**ckin' pro doing those headshots with a nova from 100m behind 10 walls.

Tip-12
if they accuse you of hacking, vote kick them and report them for bad teamplay.

Tip-13
AWP against you? F**kin' rush him with a knife but NEVER from behind. Let him see you for 20 seconds before feeling your knife cutting through his flesh.

Tip-14
If you are being voted to be kicked...REPORT!!!!!! They're all f**cking noobs and they want to kick you because you're to much for them. That's bad teamplay and shall be banned for life.

Tip-15
Punish your minions with teamkills if they don't obey you. Example. 2vs1, you team mate is aiming his scout to the enemy and you say that he is yours, if he shoots, stab him in the back. That'll teach him to do what you say.

This guide is a work in progress since i'm still looking for more infos and tips. But eventualy it'll be finished.
Trust me, i learn from DayZ and Duke Nukem Forever.

Also if you think this is for making fun at Pros...you're wrong all this is a little list of things i saw people do pretending they're pro even without being a slightly good player. This is just to laugh a little bit and thats all, if you get offended by this or even think you'll be good doing all of this...then you really should just grow some common sense.

So you've wasted precious time reading this? Dude...really...i thought you people had better things to do but hey...hope you liked it! If you wan't some of good tips (actualy more real but for PayDay 2) look for my stealth for newbies guide!
Also if you want to make a donation or xmas present, ill accept it and maybe send you a photo of me doing random stuff (the better the gift, the better the picture. EX:AUG: Contratist- Me smiling. AWP Asiimov-Me drunk getting slapped by a random girl after trying to flirt with here)

https://steamcommunity.com/tradeoffer/new/?partner=128029902&token=l9GaJDlH