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How to work at Black Mesa™

By TheBadHumour and 1 collaborators

Tired of that stupid piece of crap named "Aperture Science"? want REAL Science? I present: Black Mesa™! The best of the best in research facilities!

-Written by Wallace Breen, adminstrator of Black Mesa™, Jan 14, 1964

Award

Created by

TheBadHumour
Offline

TheGoodHumor
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Category: Achievements, Characters, Classes, Co-op, Crafting, Game Modes, Gameplay Basics, Loot, Maps or Levels, Modding or Configuration, Multiplayer, Secrets, Story or Lore, Trading, Walkthroughs, Weapons, Workshop

Languages: English

Posted

Updated

7 Dec @ 3:39pm

8 Dec @ 1:56pm

322	Unique Visitors
13	Current Favorites

Guide Index

Overview

Trustworthy

Qualifications

Reaching Out

Scenarios

What happens:

Hired

Extra

Comments

Trustworthy

Scientist Position:

First off, you need degrees in trustworthy schools, like MIT for example. Like our boy Gordon Freeman! Or just be a nerd, or god like coomer. PS from Management- Do not mess wth the so called Coomer we do not remember hiring him.

Security Position:

make sure you know english and can listen correctly. You need to know how to shoot a gun, or just be then average american

Qualifications

Scientist Position:

You need to have atleast one of these:

-MIT Graduation

-Physicist

-Harvard Graduation

etc

Security Position:

You need to atleast have these qualifications:

-Gun safety

-At least 18 years old

-High school diploma or GED

- an associate or bachelor’s degree in criminal justice or related fields

-Completion of a state-approved 40-hour training program and passing a written examination

Reaching Out

You are ready to send your form to our administrator, Wallace Breen. You will soon get a letter by Black Mesa Research Facilities, either being accepted, halted, or declined.

Scenarios

There are 3 scenarios that can happen in this letter:

Accepted: You are now an employee at Black Mesa

Halted: You will have to wait for further instruction as we need to think about you more.

Declined: GET BACK IN YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CAR AND LEAVE THE DAMN PLACE NOW! I DONT WANT YOUR DUMBASS IN MY LABS! -Docter Breen

What happens:

If you got

accepted,

congratulations!

If you got

halted,

your a piece of sh- *professional movie cough* you are good, but need more consideration.

If you got

declined,

GO ♥♥♥♥ YOURSELF YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN LIFE!

Hired

You are now an employee at Black Mesa (not those who ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GOT DECLINED LIKE A ♥♥♥♥♥), and now you can do REAL science!

P.S. Black Mesa Research Facilities is not at fault for death, injury, pain, boo boos, bleeding, disintegration, viruses, or any other things. Black Mesa is a patented research facility and any copy of stolen machines or contraptions will have consequences. Unforeseen Consequences. Thank you for being a proud Black Mesa Fan/Staff Member, and we wish you a good day.

- PS we are also not responsible for any resonance cascades- the legal team

Extra

If you see a man wearing a fancy blue tuxedo looking suit with a black tie please inform government offical and meet a therapist within 24 hours, the rest of the document has been confiscated by the United States Military, thank you and have a good day american citizens.

11 Comments

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Qnaice 1 hour ago

hey do you need a graphic designer?

Very Cool Gamer 1 hour ago

dont trust them!!!!! apeture is safer!!!!!!!

DarkL0rd10 12 Dec @ 9:36pm

Yes, you will start as a grade 1 security officer tomorrow

mwahkizz 12 Dec @ 9:34pm

uuurrr did i uh... get the job?

DarkL0rd10 12 Dec @ 9:34pm

thanks to this guide, i have secured a position as a Black Mesa research personnel, this guide works. Thanks you for securing my future where we will help humanity and not cause a 7 hour war which will cause the end of the world.

Jim the ghost 12 Dec @ 8:05pm

As the official head of public relations for Aperture Science, I'd like to point out that if you get a job as a Black Mesa scientist, they will make you wear a ridiculous tie.

BSMNT.BRN 11 Dec @ 9:32pm

Aperture is lame

Gabeio 9 Dec @ 2:22pm

thanks@!@!1

TheBadHumour [author] 8 Dec @ 1:54pm

fuck aperture by the way-

TheBadHumour [author] 8 Dec @ 6:02am

yes :D

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