Portal 2

Portal 2

65 ratings
things cave johnson would say
By Derpy Pumpkin
he would
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the things (he would say them)
Now, in this next test, there are going to be lasers. And we gave those lasers tiny little laser pointers. We're hoping to get past that pesky speed of light.

For this test, we created a special gas that we're betting will have an interesting effect on the propulsion gel. We did not, however, consider any interesting effects it might have on you. Try not to breath.

I've heard a lot about this so-called "scientific method" that we "should be following." But let me ask you this: How do you know that's the right way to do it? Did you test it? With science? No! You don't know what you're talking about! Here at Aperture we do science in every way, and we test that science using EVEN MORE SCIENCE! We've already got a head-start on the competition, but pretty soon we'll be LIGHTYEARS ahead! Looking at you, Mesa.

Yeah, I know, another gas. But here's the deal this time: breath it all up. You heard me. I want every bit of this gas inside your lungs. Why? At the moment, it's relatively harmless. But it's gaining heat. fast. Pretty soon it'll burn this whole place down. So, you can skip the test. Just breath it all in, waddle over to that exit, and we'll take care of it from there.

If you're suddenly feeling very intelligent, it may be because part of your brain has been swapped with part of one of our scientist's brain. Unfortunately, they all lawyered up, so you can't keep it. Just let us scoop it out nice and easy and fix you both up.

I let Caroline design this next test. She said to make it "real deadly," "with lasers and goo." Got me thinking. If someone as nice and peachy as her says these tests need more danger what the hell am I doing? From now on, all tests will be way deadlier.

We at Aperture Science Innovators would like to inform you that as of this test everything is edible. Yes, the walls, the floor, that cube in your hands. Not the gel though. We still can't figure that one out.

In this next test, every wall and floor may be covered in amusing posters, depending on what group you're in. If you feel an uncontrollable urge to laugh, so hard you start turning purple, and there are posters, that's probably fine. If you can't help but laugh and there are no posters, that's fine too, it's probably this new gas -yes, another gas- that we're trying out. Make sure to note what happens.

(part 2) Okay, now, if you got through there, with no posters, and didn't laugh, we're gonna want to pull you aside for a real quick errand. Nothing big, just a little leak that we can't get close enough to fix. You ever seen a man laugh to death? (something off microphone) Cause, uh, me neither. Oh, and if there were posters and you didn't laugh, It's because you don't have a sense of humor. A tough man, I like you.
part 2
https://gtm.you1.cn/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3205458650
It's longer but still good guys trust
19 Comments
Derpy Pumpkin  [author] 24 Oct @ 2:31pm 
@GreenKitty8912 no
GreenKitty8912 14 Oct @ 1:19pm 
does anyone like my profile picture?
NEVERGUY 11 Oct @ 2:38pm 
I hear 100% Cave Johnson
Derpy Pumpkin  [author] 9 May @ 12:59pm 
@ZaneDZV ...but do some science first
ZaneDZV© 7 May @ 4:40pm 
Welcome to Aperture Science. We test science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. And that science with science. Then our scientists quit and we have to hire even MORE to continue the cycle. over and over and over and over and over and over. I have to go now; I think I aged a little bit. Oh! and go press that button THAT IS NOT WIRED TO A TANK OF MUSTARD GAS and go have fun.
Derpy Pumpkin  [author] 26 Apr @ 1:02pm 
yes thank you I borrowed it permanently and without consent
WormyString 26 Apr @ 2:36am 
that's my meme :steamhappy:
ajfrey2031 8 Apr @ 3:44pm 
Why don’t I use a combustible lemon… oh wait… my lab boys told me that it was confiscated by the guards and it would suffocate me anyways because there is no open air here in the max security… I’m here because of multiple war crimes, tax evasion, etc
ajfrey2031 8 Apr @ 3:26pm 
My lab boys just told me how to escape prison “say Nuh uh when you are in court…” WELL THAT DIDNT HELP AT ALL! IM PAST THAT PART!