Battlefield™ V

Battlefield™ V

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A miscellany for "Battlefield V"
By Redbeard
Some minor writings for "Battlefield V" - just for a bit of fun.
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Introduction
These are just a few pieces of poetry, created for a bit of amusement after playing the game "Battlefield V".

(If you liked some of these writings, then please rate this guide upwards.)
Bombing the Station
The bombing's been done,
The building is wrecked,
And onwards we fight,
Our mates to protect.
Left for Dead
Things were going so well,
Til I was shot in the head
-- I screamed for a medic,
But they left me for dead.
Tornado Alley
There is a new skin set,
Known as Tornado Alley,
With a knife on your shoulder
And a nade on your belly.

So go and buy it right now,
If you want high acclaim,
'Cos with this great set
You'll look cool in the game.
Missions Completed
The Weekly Missions
Are now all complete;
I did it vanilla --
With no hack and no cheat.
Blood on the Zine
One of the oddest things
That I've ever seen,
Is when I got blood
On my gun's magazine.
Jeep Against the Odds
I sneakily stole a jeep
From the enemy team --
I drove behind their lines,
But they saw my scheme.

I had intended to camp --
To do some shots in the back,
But a tank saw me there,
And gave me a whack.

So, learn from me, guys,
Hear my words that are deep:
If you go to a tank fight
-- Don’t bring a jeep!
No Room to Spawn
I'm waiting to play, but there's no room to spawn;
This is not good, I'm feeling forlorn.
Why won't that guy shift from out of the truck?
Well, stuff it, I say, I don't give a duck.
The Tram Tantrum
I asked for a tram ride
-- They refused me a ticket,
So I yelled and I cried,
And I told them to stick it.
The Cunning Sniper
There was a cunning sniper,
Who through the land would creep,
He would find a nice position,
And put his enemies to sleep.
At Peace with the World
I strode along in a happy mood,
Wind whistling through my hair,
But I was shot in my joyful heart,
-- For the sniper did not care

The medics, they looked after me,
And nursed me back to health;
-- I spent ages in a hospital,
'Cos of the sniper and his stealth

So back I went, through the grass,
To seek vengeance there for good;
If I was able to find that guy,
I knew I'd kill him, if I could

But as I neared that fateful spot,
My pastor’s words came back to me
-- All of us could change the world,
Into a brighter, better place to be

I thought about those calming words,
Thoughts of peace came to my mind,
And, I realised, we're all the same
-- Just wanting someone to be kind

The sniper was a man, like me;
Why not be best friends instead?
No! Screw that hippy nonsense
-- I shot him in the head!
Sector Lost
Heard the terrible news?
We've just been defeated.
Whilst the enemy cheered,
Our soldiers all retreated

We're leaving behind us
Friends dead in the mud;
But we’re gonna push back
And spill enemy blood

We need to fight on,
No matter the cost,
To avoid that report
"Your sector is lost".
Sniper on the Stairs
So, now I'm lying here dead,
And I don't have any cares --
But who committed the deed?
It was that guy on the stairs.
KDR and Skills
My KDR is now fourteen for two,
It really looks great, but if only they knew --
It was only by luck I got all those kills,
As I'm just a player without any skills.
Happy (For Now)
I'm on the top of my team,
And my heart sings a song
-- So I'll enjoy it right now,
As it won't last for long.
Quitters
We did so very well
In the previous game,
That half their team quit
-- It was really a shame.
American Tank Flag
My tank is adorned
With an American flag --
It's looking quite good,
But I don't want to brag

Far off in the distance
Are the enemy Germans,
But they'll soon be falling
To our superior Shermans.
The Man in the Mask
With a mask on his face,
I thought him a robber,
But he helped me in need
-- He was a good cobber.
Mentioned in Despatches
If you always fight hard,
And don't ever yield,
You might be awarded
A medal in the field.
The Commendation
I've got a medal on my chest,
A top commendation --
So I'm going to the pub
For a big celebration.
Nice Score
My score is so good,
I'm eleven to none,
We're kicking some arse,
And the game is real fun.
Boasting
I don't want to boast,
But I'm eleven to one --
It makes a big difference
When you've got a good gun.
Weekly Missions Completed
I went to Battlefield Five,
Read all of the boards,
And saw I could do things
To win nice rewards

I shot thousands of bullets,
Camped in lots of positions;
Then, by the end of it all,
I'd finished my missions.
Down in Flames
To bomb us and shoot us
Were their deadliest aims --
But we hit them with flak,
And they down went in flames.
Kicked for an Admin
To make way for an admin,
I was kicked from the game
-- It wasn't very nice,
I thought it a shame.
Invasion
Our land is now facing an enemy invasion --
Despite the odds, we'll rise to the occasion.
We're not the type to go down on one knee,
We'll pick up our guns -- and fight to be free!
Camouflage and Poppies
I've got camo on my pants
And camo on my shirt,
And I'm hiding in the flowers,
To avoid getting hurt

I'm trying to cap the point
By being a little sneak,
And every now and then
I look 'round and peek

The enemy came hunting,
And found me in my spot;
They didn't treat me well
-- I was mortally shot

* * * * * * *

I am still your fallen comrade,
Even though I wasn’t brave
-- So visit where I rest,
And put poppies on my grave.
We Gallant Few
The fighting was not going well,
Our team-mates left the field;
That, in turn, really meant
That our fates were sealed

For how were we to fight,
When we were so outnumbered?
The lack of soldiers meant that we
Were very much encumbered

But on we fought, we very few,
Although no-one had our back;
We didn't wait to just defend,
Instead, we decided to attack

Our stats were so much better
Than those on the other side;
But lack of numbers took its toll
-- And, one by one, we died

* * * * * * *

Pray for us, my comrades dear,
When next you go to church;
But, should you ever go to war,
Don’t you leave us in the lurch!
So Alone
I don't want to whinge,
Or even to moan,
But my team has all left,
And I'm feeling alone.
Jeeps [song]
Here in my jeep,
I can drive really fast.
It's really good fun,
'Cos the map is quite vast.
(In jeeps.)

Here in my jeep,
In Ford I do trust,
And everyone else,
Can eat all my dust.
(In jeeps.)

Here in my jeep,
No damns do I give,
I'll drive everywhere,
For as long as I live.
(In jeeps.)

(Apologies to Gary Numan and "Cars")
Trams [song]
Here in my tram,
I'm engaged in the fight.
Got a friend on my left,
And one on my right.
(In trams.)

Here in my tram,
There is plenty of room
To see lots of good men
Going off to their doom.
(In trams.)

Here in my tram,
I can shoot whom I like,
So long as they're fightin'
For the Third Reich.
(In trams.)

(Apologies to Gary Numan and "Cars")
Staying with the Game
Usually, in a game of war,
I'm German or I'm British;
The lack of options has me
Feeling somewhat skittish

Or maybe I'm American
Or in a Russian tank;
But I'd rather be an Aussie
Than a Rooski or a Yank

But now I am Australian
In this game I'm playing,
So that's another reason
Why with this I'm staying.
Battlefield V
I'm playing on my computer,
On Battlefield, number Five;
The game is quite a top one
-- So it’s great to be alive

Men are charging into battle,
Cannons are firing dead ahead,
Tanks are clanking on the roads,
And the air is full of lead

The action is fast-paced --
You must be on your toes,
Or else you'll join the dead,
'Cos that's the way it goes

If you haven't ever played it,
Then that would be a shame
-- To get more out of life,
Just go and buy the game!
12 Comments
Twist by Korn 6 Nov @ 4:18pm 
these are really good woah
cvllen 5 Feb @ 1:19am 
this writing better than the game it self
Boofzerker 19 Dec, 2023 @ 7:09pm 
These were all really good :D
bmacd72 10 Jun, 2023 @ 5:28am 
but seriously this is amazing
bmacd72 10 Jun, 2023 @ 5:25am 
makes Shakespeare look like a 3rd grader. majestic.
honestmaxx 26 Mar, 2023 @ 4:16pm 
Love.
xx_angel_xx411 18 Mar, 2023 @ 4:16am 
you write like a poet
Ruskiy 6 Jan, 2023 @ 1:47pm 
The best thing ive seen posted about Battlefield V
mug 2 Jan, 2023 @ 11:10am 
I had some cover but i was down, no medic saved me, it left a frown. mad a my teammates, they said i was too loud, with no reason, they walked over me. these video games are too much, i may go touch a tree.
暮色年华ぐ 2 Jan, 2023 @ 7:38am 
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