With such success to the non-racist guide of Tactical Cargo Shorts, I've taken it upon myself to create a guide for MY main. MY baby, MY favorite frog, MY favorite coward, MY favorite frenchman.

Montagne, or as I call him, Monty Python.

wow this guide was supposed to come out a month after How to Effectively Play: Tactical Cargo Shorts but here we are almost like what 7 months later lol

The topics we will be delving into for your reading consumption of knowledge, women, power and fame are:

• Frog's Lily Pads Selection For Selective Harming
  
• Optional Ponds To Frequent
  
• Fictitious Hopping Guide For Your Frog To Live In
  
• Miscellaneous Baguette Munching Tactics
  
• Flies For Your Tongue To Digest

• Python for Monty
  
  This is a gun. This gun kills things. The thing that makes this gun superior to the entire Frog government is that it doesn't tax you for even thinking so much as to grab it. We live in a society.
  
  Now, onto the important things! You better rope-a-dope-sling-some-coke-kill-a-hoe-in-the-cold on some dabbin' haters with this piece of fine machinery! 6 shots, you're in the wild west. Miss all 6 shots, you're a wild dead.
  
  If you don't average 10 kills with this a game, you aren't a God-Tier Monty Python user. Consider an alternative to this intricate, cowardly beast.
  
  
  
  
  Le Roc Extendable Shield
  
  
• Le Frog Extendable White Flag
  
  Remember when I said,
  
  

  Originally posted by author:

  big phallus gang for life baby

  
  I know you do! Because:
  
  While extendable like a weenie pump, it isn't as effective as you think. Thanks to the de-sync of shield rotation during gameplay, you could be staring at a man so hard and so fast that your game cannot comprehend your Frog instincts of hopping from angle to angle that it just lets the enemy kill you to make it a fair, even fight. The aspects of this beauty, this retreating simulator, this coward stimulant, is that it's nearly impenetrable. Save for the Instant Ramen, of course.
  
  Using this baby is like waving a giant white flag that is impossible to break with bullets. The spirit of the French live on with this man's shield, even if the user is blown up by tonnes of Instant Ramen packets, the reminder remains on - untouched.
  
  You can pimpslap some filthy Easterners with this, too. Show them the might of the French! Remember that one time in Agincourt? It never counted when you can just slap poor bastards with the might of hundreds of military failures!
  
  
  
  Stun Grenade
  
  
• ESCAPE FROM FROGKOV
  
  Need a breach strategy? Throw an explosive white flag into the eyes of your enemy. Wanna prepare for an epic running strategy from 3 of them wielding rifles and shotguns while you make a strategic retreat towards your 1 hp remaining teammate who wasted all of his ammunition shooting a smiley into the wall and now only has a pistol and his wits to keep him alive? Throw that beauty in there and watch them get a face full of white flags. Sometimes just chucking them proves to be beneficial because you can just hit a fat dab and whack'em sack'em frog boppin' pop their tops off with your trusty Le Frog.
  
  We believe in you.
  
  
  
  Smoke Grenade
  
  
• THE GAS FLAG THAT IS ALSO A DARK SHADE OF WHITE
  
  If you don't want 'em to see you cowering, then look no forward to this beauty of mankind. Throw it in a room you're going to enter, screen your movements by choke points, supply your loyal gomuenst sniper friend with more smokes to help him remain inconspicuous, choke your enemies with the smoke of your donated fart and vore convention (non-lethal) thanks to Tactical Cargo Shorts. I don't care, the narrow eyes don't care, nor do the round-eyes! Tell them how it be when you give them a non-harming tear gas special filled with the tears of all of the Frenchies dead to the trenches at the Somme.
  
  did they even patch all of his unfair problems with his shield i dont know anymore man
  
  Remember when I said,
  
  

  Originally posted by author:

  big phallus gang for life baby

  
  Then prepare yourself for a giant phallus play for throwing smokes at the perfect moment:
  
  Out of the map!

hide in a corner and talk about how bd ur team is thnak you next section

Now sport, you're probably thinking;

Originally posted by author:

big phallus gang for life baby

And that's okay! Only members of the Average Phallus Gang (APG for short) can have the mobility to pull this off. Move aside, Big Phallus Gang (BPG for short) because there's some advantages to not being big.

You're a lot quicker when you're part of the APG or SPG (figure that out one, smoothbrains) and you ask,

Originally posted by author:

big phallus gang for life baby

Let me tell you your answer, kiddo! So, you're a lot more inclined to do this thing called walking and secretly I am a member of the APG, not the BPG so I do a lot of this. Not only that, but I also use a microphone to explain to the team which lunchbox I took for school's lunch today so they know that I know that they know that my mommy packs my lunch and loves me unconditionally. Not much to say there for that one.

So you're less inclined to stay still and would rather move, right? Good! Because a good Monty Python serves as a near immortal meatshield that can tell his teammates where what is, what angle an enemy is watching their position at, and can actually position his shield at specific times to allow a teammate to throw a grenade in whilst keeping them safe. There's also the cool trick that is angling your shield slightly to allow your teammate to shoot through a crevice between a broken wall, door, window, etc. This also slims their chances of getting absolutely violated.

Or, if you're a man of culture like myself and do not take disrespect from prepubescent teenagers, or teenagers whose balls are slowly dropping's smug attitude for "muting" you, you can always just abandon them in their time of need and move onto to help your other teammates and watch as they don't even talk in the voice chat. They were audible and very vocal the whole game yet go silent for an assumed autistic red-faced rage over a video game, which further satisfies your Le Frog Shield powers.

Stay frosty, Monty Pythoners.

If you do not have the My Little Pony pink shield for Monty Python you are not allowed to go kill-less in the game.

If you do not have the toilet seat blue and golden piss yellow skin for your revolver, you shouldn't even think about using it.

If you do not have the god tier skin for Monty Python, you shouldn't even consider playing him.

If you do not bring smoke grenades when you have a Glaz, you deserve to actually be castrated for the first time. Second time if you've already experienced it. Seriously.


Now, hear me out here. When being a Frog, you have a lot of cowardly genes in you. A lot of 'tactical retreats' as those rapscallions in France call them. Lots of screaming into your microphone for your Buck or Finka to save you, or even a sacrifical retreat to save your skin whilst sacrificing the last remaining teammate who uses an assault rifle on your team so you can save the AWP. It's a lot of tactics, I know, but know when to employ them.

• Tactical Retreats

Run away when your team:

• Insults you
  
• Makes your experience any more dissatisfying
  
• Are actually braindead and go into the round with a stupid plan or questionable plan that you do not agree or feel confident with
  
• Losing the fight and while it's smarter to attempt to bodyshield for a valuable teammate to escape, I like to be the True Frog and just abandon all without hesitation. Leads to a lot of angry yells and groans at you which are pretty funny. At least to the True Frog Mains, they are.
  
• Makes you bored
  
• Reeks of virginity

That's about it.

Have fun playing as Le Frog, gamers! Monty Python is my most treasured operator, and I do hope to see some excellent Monty Python gameplay from you all!

And remember,

Originally posted by author:

average phallus gang for life baby