A light shines down on a storybook. It opens, and a voice turns the pages and reads it.

CHARMING: Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy. Until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome prince charming!

Book transitions to Prince Charming, wearing a knight's armor and red cape, riding on horseback. He rides through a forest, snowy mountains and barren desert.

CHARMING: It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon’s Keep.

EXT. - DRAGON'S KEEP

Prince Charming arrives at the Dragon's Keep, an ominous castle surrounded by a moat of lava, but sees that the bridge leading across the lava is destroyed. Charming uses his bow to shoot a roped arrow to a wooden post on the other side and uses it as a zipline. He looks up at a tower that rises above the rest of the castle, a light shining from its window. He enters the Dragon's Keep.

INT. - DRAGON'S KEEP

CHARMING: For he was the bravest...

Charming takes off his helmet, revealing himself to be the narrator's voice. He continues to speak aloud.

CHARMING: ...and most handsome…

He takes off his hair net and dramatically swishes his hair.

CHARMING: ...in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss...

He sprays air freshener in his mouth.

CHARMING: ...would break the dreaded curse.

Charming continues through the abandoned castle and reaches the princess's tower.

INT. - THE PRINCESS'S TOWER

He enters the princess's room and makes his way to her bed where a figure lays down, obscured by the bed's curtains.

CHARMING: He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess’s chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her--

Charming pulls the curtain and gasps; the figure is no princess--its the Big Bad Wolf. The wolf, busy reading a magazine, is annoyed by the interruption.

WOLF: What?

CHARMING: Princess…Fiona?

WOLF: No!

CHARMING: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?

WOLF: She’s on her honeymoon.

CHARMING: Honeymoon? With whom?!

----

We see various scenes from Shrek and Fiona's honeymoon. They break into a giant gingerbread house and stay night. In the morning Little Red Riding Hood knocks on the door, fleeing in terror after Shrek and Fiona answer the door. They take the basket she left and have a picnic on the beach. A wave crashes over Shrek and Fiona as they makeout in the sand and the Little Mermaid takes Fiona's place. Fiona drags the mermaid by the tail, and throws her into the sea into a group of sharks. Later, Shrek has some dwarves forge Fiona's wedding ring. They run happily thru a meadow where an angry mob emerges chasing after them. Shrek gets caught a trap and villagers surround Fiona, who fends them off. They take turns farting in a mud bath, using fairies trapped in jars for light. They kiss in the moonlight, transitioning to...

EXT. - SWAMP

...their arrival back at Shrek's swamp.

SHREK: It’s so good to be home!

Shrek scoops Fiona about in his arms and walks to the door of his home.

SHREK: Just you and me and…

Singing can be heard from inside.

INT. - SHREK'S HOUSE

They open the door to find Donkey laying in Shrek's chair.

DONKEY: [singing] Two can be as bad as one…

SHREK: Donkey?

Shrek sets Fiona down.

DONKEY: Shrek! Fiona! Well aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. [chuckles] And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How ‘bout a side of sugar for the steed?

SHREK: Donkey, what are you doing here?

DONKEY: Oh! I was just taking care of your love nest for you.

SHREK: Oh, you mean like… sorting the mail and watering the plants?

Shrek gestures to piles of mail stacked on a stool and potted plants that have withered away.

DONKEY: Yeah, and feeding the fish!

SHREK: I don’t have any fish.

DONKEY: You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona.

Donkey walks over to a fish bowl. The water is rancid and the two fish are clearly dead.

DONKEY: That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your…[mumbling]

SHREK: Oh, will you look at the time! Well I guess you’d better be going.

Shrek opens the front door and beckons Donkey to head out.

DONKEY: Hey wait a minute, don’t you want to tell me all about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?

Donkey runs back over to the fireplace and Shrek groans in frustration.

FIONA: Um, actually--Donkey? Shouldn’t you be getting home to Dragon?

DONKEY: Oh, yeah, that. I don’t know. She’s been all moody and stuff lately...so I thought I’d move back in with you guys!

FIONA: Well you know we’re always happy to see you, Donkey.

Fiona kneels down to pat Donkey on the head, then Shrek puts his hands on her shoulders.

SHREK: But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together.

Donkey smiles and stares at Shrek, not taking the hint.

SHREK: Just with each other.

Donkey continues to stare.

SHREK: Alone.

DONKEY: Say no more, say no more. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you!

SHREK: Donkey!

DONKEY: Yes, roomie?

SHREK: You’re bothering me.

DONKEY: Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess uh… me and Pinocchio was gonna catch a tournament, anyway, so uh.... maybe I’ll see y’all Sunday for a barbecue or somethin'.

Donkey solemnly walks out the door and shuts it behind him.

SHREK: He’ll be fine. Now, where were we?

Fiona puts her hands on his arm.

SHREK: Oh. I think I remember.

The two giggle and Shrek takes her in his arms. He leans her over for a kiss, but they are interrupted by Donkey, who is suddenly standing next to them again.

SHREK: Donkey!

In his surprise, Shrek drops Fiona to floor. He leans down to pick her up.

DONKEY: I know, I know! Alone! I’m going! I’m going! Hey, but what do you want me to tell these other guys?

Donkey opens the door, and Shrek and Fiona look up, puzzled.

EXT. - SHREK'S HOME

A group of uniformed men stand outside, playing a fanfare with their trumpets and drums. A page steps forth with a scroll in his hand. After the fanfare is over, one of the trumpeters begins play the Hawaii Five-0 Theme Song. The page smacks him on the head with his scroll. Shrek and Fiona step outside of the house.

PAGE: Enough, Reggie. [clears throat] "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage...

Upon hearing this news Shrek looks uneasy, while Fiona is smiling.

PAGE: ...at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing… upon you and your…eh...

He looks up from the scroll and stares at Shrek.

PAGE: uh…Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far Far Away. A.K.A. Mum and Dad."

FIONA: Mum and Dad?

SHREK: Prince Charming?

DONKEY: Royal ball?! Can I come?

SHREK: We’re not going.

FIONA & DONKEY: What?!

SHREK: I mean, don’t you think they might be a bit… shocked to see you like this?

FIONA: Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they’re my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don’t worry, they're gonna love you too.

SHREK: Yeah, right. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be welcome at the country club.

FIONA: Will you Stop it? They’re not like that.

SHREK: Then how do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?

The page gives a huff, and walks off with the rest of the men.

FIONA: Oh, come on! You could at least