As I stood in line at the Centrelink, thinking up reasons why I can't work, a smell drifted passed my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, sweat and lynx Africa!

I turned and there was Dwayne, with his pants halfway down his ass, our eyes met even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Dr Phil and Days of Our Lives. as he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of a Nike vest, his smile told me it was dole day, and I knew my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight.

but we couldn't wait for the night... oh my... he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his staffy to a post in an alleyway so we would not be disturbed. There was a tramp watching us but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery.

I knew then this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise there and then that I would buy him a plasma TV with the baby bonus.