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13 of 28 (46%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2018 @ 5:24am

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2018 @ 5:24am

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 6 Nov, 2018 @ 9:51am

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 6 Nov, 2018 @ 10:34am

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Unlocked 6 Nov, 2018 @ 10:46am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 7 Nov, 2018 @ 11:07am

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 31 Oct, 2018 @ 2:42pm

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2018 @ 8:19am

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 31 Oct, 2018 @ 2:47pm

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Unlocked 2 Jan, 2020 @ 8:53am

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Unlocked 3 Nov, 2018 @ 5:34am

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Unlocked 31 Oct, 2018 @ 2:46pm

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Unlocked 30 Oct, 2018 @ 8:08am



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+3

3 hidden achievements remaining

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