Hi, I'm Larry. I talk to a dirty sock on my hand. Sometimes I follow people home from the mall and rent a room above their garage. I'm probably most known for sleeping on a pile of empties in a dumpster. I like to say things to complete strangers like, You don't look so good, You have a picture of your wife or your girlfriend I could look at?
Do one thing every day that makes someone cry.
Go to abstenance rallies and ask people, "WHO WANT'S TO F*CK!"
Don't waste time with taxes. The government already has plenty of money. As long as you keep changing identities and moving, they'll never find you..
Remember all of the insults you receive. To keep the buddled up inside until you unleash them at a drunken rage at a childs birthday party.
Don't feel guilty about anything. Ever. Feeling guilty is just another way of saying "I'm Your ♥♥♥♥♥!"
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll go to business meetings in banana sling underwear and a ski mask.
Maybe at your 75th annivrsary you'll tell everyone that you go both ways.. or used to....
Enjoy your body, Use it as a tool to get what you want.
Make people bark like a dog for sex.
Everytime you dance stop, and pretend you're going into convulsion.
Read directions, then shove the map in your mouth and swallow it.
Get to know your parents, so you can blame all of your problems on them.
Be aware that the sign of a true genius is realizing you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground.
Be nice to your siblings, you'll never know when you're gonna need some money and one of them turns out to be a cash cow.
Understand that boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, which is why you should change your number every six months.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in your teeth, because teeth are a clear sign of intelligence. If you have lots of missing teeth, chance are pretty good, you're an idiot.
Live in New York City once, before it makes you hard.
Live in San Francisco once, but leave before it makes someone else hard.
Accept certain inalienable truths. Some mom's moustaches come in better than yours.
The older you get, the more you will suck at stuff.
When you go to the Zoo, the animals will stop what they're doing and stare at you.
At your funeral, everyone will be hungry and say "I wish there was a buffet out, because, I could nimble."
Get invovled with someone who has a Trust Fund. Stay over at their house and wake them up by throwing pennies at their feet.
Then say "Hey rich boy! You want a piece of me?!" Make them pay you to go away.
Be careful on who's advice you buy, and make sure you keep the receipt.
Advice is a way of learning from someone else's mistakes.
Take those mistakes and throw them back in their face. Never let them forget their misery.
The Best Advice you can ever receive is Never Try.





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBKkci7PFMk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGlBwW7f5HA (Booty)