swag

+rep made me a green milkshake that made me feel very fantastic and funky

We had high hopes but this user was faulty right out of box

By far the worst exhibit at the Calgary Zoo.. after nearing the cage with my family, we were pelted with rocks and feces by the hollering 2000 lbs mountain gorilla inside, taking out my two youngest children. Horribly unprofessional location in general but this was the last straw for me. 10/10

This man will, without a moment's hesitation, transform you into Danny McBride if you make him feel even remotely threatened.

I caught this guy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ my girlfriend last week. I’m still pissed about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.