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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are
I am writing this communiqué to inform the good populace of my most recent decision with regards to career choice.
It has come to my attention that there is not enough property damage and uncivil murder in my life, and thankfully my (deeply unfortunate) brain damage is no obstacle here.
I would like to humbly take this time to thank you all for not sending me on to the gallows prior, and instead granting me this excellent opportunity to pursue higher ambitions.
Wishing the very best of luck to each and every citizen, and may you all live long and fruitful lives unless I uncivilly murder you.
Me smash,
-Amnesiac