Recent reviews by An entire mariachi band

Quit reading reviews and just buy it already

Can't recommend. If you have any sense of humor, play on the free browser version where you can make any name you want. If mods dislike your name on the Steam Version expect a perma-ban with no warnings.

Honestly, I don't really think I can give this game a positive review. Let's start off with a simple question. Where did it succeed and where did it fail?

Doom (2016) succeeded in:
-Ripping and tearing
-Excellent gun-play
-Outstanding and impressive visuals
-Amazing optimization
-Eargasmic soundtrack. (Papa bless Mick Gordon)

And personally, that's where it ends. Albeit, I wasn't around for the games launch, and thus I didn't get to experience the multiplayer. But don't expect yourself to either.

As for where Doom (2016) failed:
-Creating an interesting story that holds throughout the game until the end.
-Level design feels slogish and boring, same repetitive map design over and over.
-Mid-way through you've seen every enemy, expect nothing new outside of the total of 3 bosses.
-There are only 3 bosses. And that's being generous.
-The game is really. Really. Easy. Even on Ultra-Violence it was incredibly simple. (Maybe I need to play Nightmare)

Honestly, I could've gotten over the previous failures if the game provided any form of challenge. Some guns are incredibly weak, others, ridiculously strong. You learn quick which kills the fastest. BFG ammo comes in troves, to the point where there's too much for me to even use. Sometimes 3+ per room later on. Gasoline is honestly harder to get your ripping and tearing hands on. Assuming you even remember the chainsaw is in the game. It's only used as a tool to restore ammo, or to utterly remove an enemy you just really don't feel like fighting. With a neat animation alongside it that you'll get bored of quick. The same could go for the BFG. With maximum efficiency, you really only bust it out when there's a load of enemies, or some you just really don't want to fight. Being a 1-shot kill to anything it hits/passes, it's easy to see why it ruins the gun-play of the game.

The runes were an interesting idea, however again, you'll learn which are the best quick. If you don't believe me, I will show you.

I used the following
-Ammo Boost: Increases the amount of ammo gained from items and enemies. - After mastery, it allows BFG ammo to drop from enemies, making BFG ammo spawns irrelevant and pointless, since you've just made the BFG a standard use weapon in your kit.
-Vacuum: Increases the range for absorbing dropped items (ammo and health) - After mastery, further range. Honestly, I could've replaced this one later on, but I just didn't as I hadn't found another rune that did anything remotely as half useful.
-Armored Offensive: Glory Kills drop armor. - After mastery, it drops more armor. This. I don't think it could be more obvious why you'd take this. It's damn near essential if you're going to use runes. And again, making it essential, defeats the purpose of choices.

All in all, runes made the game far easier and just defeat some of the core aspects of the game itself. The game provides as a good arcade game, to run around and do some ripping and some tearing here and there, but the main campaign is just that trying to be more, and failing. Hopefully, Eternal will prove to hit all these notes better and shoot for the skulls (stars) in it's November release. Either way, I had a fairly good time, just wish it was more challenging.

"Horse drawn carts released."

10/10

You need not fight me! Turn away, leave now! I wouldn't dream of stabbing you in the back.

Honestly, it was a fun game. Incredibly upsetting when I finished the story mode, even after seeing all the endings it still felt like something was missing though. At the end, you either kill or let Pagan go, whatever. But, after that you talk to some druggies and then... thats it. No big fight against the remaining Royal Army, no helping anyone else out. Thats it. Sure, theres sidequests and random things to do like that but to me that really isn't that entertaining. Multiplayer might as well be free since nobody plays it. 8.5/10



Needs more Hurk, AND NOT IN A PAID DLC FORMAT

I want to love this game, I really do, this game has so much potential and Aberration proves they're working in a better direction. My problem isn't the price tag, the laundry list of bugs, or even the fact that you were able to buy the season pass while it was in Early Access. No. My issue is the lack of optimization. This game released in 2015, it is now February 24th, 2018 when I'm writing this and very little has changed. Yes, they've made very little changes to the optimization to the game but if you aren't using the worlds beefiest computer don't expect to run this game on Epic graphics. Medium and Low make the game look like a baked potato, and the Ark dev's have done nothing to change this other than a few patches here and there to make the optimization "better." This was somewhat understandable in Early Access, but the game is RELEASED now, with a $60 price tag slapped on it, and for new comers expecting to have the game look as gorgeous as they see it on Youtube or wherever are going to be met with 5-10 fps. This game's spaghetti coding is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mess. In 9+ months until the next "optimization patch" I'll give it another go, but at this point I can't stand this game anymore in it's current "finished" state.


For the record, I'm running a GT70 and an i7 with 8 GB of ram. I'm more than aware that expecting Epic quality from that would be ridiculous of me, but I would at least hope that High works, but even Medium doesn't work for me.

Gather around little F2P's, and let pappa Moustache tell you about the olden days of TF2. Nobody had Taunts, Unusual Weapons, or Kill Counters. It was an easier time for us, and most of us enjoyed it. Then the evil overlords known as... Valve decided "♥♥♥♥ you! TF:GO ♥♥♥♥♥!" And mayhem was released upon us. Ive put 888.9 Hours into this game (As writing it) and it would be over 1000, but alittle while back (After the first TF:GO outbreak) I had to retreat to better games, like BattleField. Something to fill the hole of which TF2 filled at one point... Now listen up children, this is the important part. Pappa Moustache has put over 2,000 Dollars into this game, and he wishes that you don't repeat the mistakes I made. Don't download this game, Don't share it with your friends, and most importantly Don't downloading this game. Oh yeah, and DONT. DOWNLOAD. THIS. GAME. Clear? You got that written down? Alright. Have a good day little ones, and may the Feminism be with you. ( Used to reccomend, but now ♥♥♥♥ this ♥♥♥♥, TF:GO my ass. Im going back to Starcraft and Civ5.)

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. NOPE. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tunneling worms that ruin everything, and are pretty much unkillable. SPACE. And.. uhm.... okay you got me. but ♥♥♥♥ space, and ♥♥♥♥ hentai tentacle worms that ruin my games.

Where to begin with this game. Honestly, its a masterpiece. And I highly reccomend it. Besides the fact that theres no Steam achievements, and that you need Uplay to get in game. It's worth the time and money. Hours of gunning down priates and mercs. will keep you entertained. Yes, true. It is an old game, considering that at the time I'm writing this its 2016. But truly, its such a great game. "9/10, would define insanity again." -Me