- Got bully hunted by a reserve plane for 2 hours
- Done the Payday Secret and wanted a refund
- Triggered OwO
- Found LENNEH
- Had a plan
- Bounced a cap off of Benny's forehead
- Bounced a bullet off of The Dentist's forehead
- Won a round of Monoploy by abusing the banker
- Adopted a squishie
- Protected said squishie from bigger planes
- Squishie kills me for kill stealing bigger planes
- Turned Canada into a facist state
- Tried it on the US
- Got stomped on by the US
- Walked to Hell and got slapped by The Devil
- Tried L4D2 on expert
- Got on punched by a Tank
- Didn't complete first level
- Pissed off everyone on Battlefield 3
- Hit the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lamp post
- Drove the crazy train
- Got reported for "Greifing" on GTA
- Waved goodbye to my head...wanker
- Fell down a Flak Tower
- Stormed the beaches
- Got toasted
- "I could use a little m..mm..morphine"
- Got neck snapped by SCP-173
- Got slaughtered by SCP-096
- Got sent to the pocket dimension by SCP-106
- Caused a Resonance Cascade
- Had to put the ThunderGun back in the box
- Crashed into the English Channel
- Blew up on the runway
- Made Isabelle level 50
- Got my ass beat by a dog in a $4000 Gucci jacket
- Got lazered by a Guardian
- Got hit by lightning
- Drowned
- Danced to the top of Highertower
- Took part in The Great Journey
- SCRUNTS ASSEMBLE
- Became the group punching bag
- Shot a lion in the head
- Got killed by the same bear 6 times
- Fell down a mountain on an "Atm"
- Took part in atv dodgems and lost
- Nearly got shot in the head by Dec
- Got shot the head by Dec
- Got married.......in Skyrim
- Called the "Space AA" (AKA The Fuel Rats) and got saved
- Nearly died in space due to a smashed "windscreen"
- Steam level 69, nice
- Accidentally created Tranzit......♥♥♥♥
- Took Calus' chalice and SHOVED IT UP HIS F*****G A**!!!
- TURBULENT DETONATION ACTIVATED
- You wish to stay here forever
- ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TETHER
- Folded Calus' Hive friend
- Sam that's left not right you moron
- Pass me the ball you greedy bastard
- DAMN! Riven is THICC
- Clapped Calus' ass again on hard mode
- Got a cold on Europa
- Crash a space station into Europa
- Juggled Nukes on Europa
- Froze EVERYTHING
- Taniks moment
- Got Mythoclast without any official clears
- 4 raids in 4 hours
- Went to the lighthouse and dabbed up Saint-14
- 6 hours and 33 minuets in the Vault of Glass for a damn ship
- PETRASSSSSSSSS RUN
- Broke Rhulks ankles and got a ♥♥♥♥ gun
- Finally gave up on hunter
- GM'D The Corrupted & Proving Grounds
- GM'D The Glassway & Lightblade
- Clapped Oryx on hardmode and turned him into a gun
- Flawlessed in the night garden
- WHERE OLD ARE YOU
- Went up a tower went down a tower
- Solo'd the tower
- Took Rhulks glaive flawlessly
- Killed Crotas dad flawlessly
- THE FLAWLESS HATTRICK
- Der Eisendrache easter egg done round 3 meme
- ♥♥♥♥ the plants on Zetsubou
- Killed Takeo
- Killed Nikolai
- ♥♥♥♥ Gorod

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, heading into the bru(unemployment office). I went to get my giro (unemployment check) and I passed a couple of busses on the side of the road. Everybody's pilling out of the front one, and going into the one behind. The Old folk were like "This is ridiculous, it never used to be like this with the corporation busses".

I was like, I see. They've got themselves a breakdown.

I went to see where they were all heading: "Yoker". And I just pissed myself laughing. "haaaa". Because Yoker is one of those places I only know from the front of the bus, never been there. Don't know what it's like there, just that it's some pure like mad fabled land that sounds like a pure mad egg yolk.

So I was watching everyone getting on, trying to show their tickets to the driver, but he wasn't having it. He was just waving them on like that. "Like I know where yous came from I can see the bus - what do you think I am, daft(stupid)". And a wee(little) voice man, he says "Dee Dee, I know you've got to get your giro but the brew's always going to be there - this on the other hand is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Go for it". So I just went like that "♥♥♥♥ it" and I joined the queue.

The second I do it, the driver starts checking people's tickets. I was like "Oh just forget it" but I just got pure caught up in the slipstream building towards the moment of truth at 100 mile per hour. Heart pounding. Pulse racing.

(Dee Dee, to driver) "What it is, is-"
(Driver) "On you go mate"
(Dee Dee) "Cheers (Thank you)"

I did it.

So there I was, birds eye view. Whizzing by the brew. Ta Ta(Goodbye) giro, maybe some other day eh. Because I'm on the bus - to Yoker. I couldn't believe what I was hearing in my head man. Seriously, this was actually happening. But then I thought; hold on - don't get too excited. There could be someone looking at you at the back right now thinking "Here, who is he, he's not from Yoker. He's got no business on this bus - get his head kicked man". I turned around to see if anyone was looking. Nobody. Got away with it. Just pure got away with the lot of it. So I loosened up and started chatting with folk to get a wee bit of local knowledge before I get there.

(Dee Dee, to woman) "So is this bus for Yoker?"
(Woman) "Aye (yes)"
(Dee Dee) "I've just moved here, is it any good?"
(Woman) "Aye, it's a lovely place - I've lived here all my life. Yoker born and bred."
(Dee Dee) "So you've never once wondered what Yoker's like?"
(Woman gives confused look)
(Dee Dee) "Mind boggling"

Half an hour later I started seeing the signs. Yoker news agents. Yoker post office. Yoker F.C (football club). Yoker everything! They even had a barber that rhymed with Yoker: "Hair by Les Porter". What are the chances of that?

(Dee Dee, to woman) "Here, what's to bet his name used to be Smith or something and he changed it to fit in"
(Woman, confused) "What?"

So the bus gets to the terminus, everybody starts piling off. I hit the driver with my charms, "Driver, when do you leave?".
"Five minutes"
"I conked out (fell asleep) and missed my stop, any chance you could print me out a ticket so I can nip out for a ♥♥♥ (cigarette)" (Driver prints out ticket) "Cheers".

I put my first step onto Yoker soil. I was in Yoker, I thought this day would never come. Is it really this easy? Is it really this easy to get the things you want in life? You just need to hold out for it. All of a sudden I just had the urge to go "Right here, I'm not from Yoker I've got no business being here". I was like, calm it Dee Dee, that's no laughing matter - they'll tear you shreds. Now you've got 5 minutes, where do you want to go? What do you want to do - in Yoker?

I knew exactly what. I had to, I had to find out. I couldn't leave without finding out what this is all about. The bus was a million miles away. I thought "Dee Dee you truly are on the outer reaches man. Middle of nowhere". And I went into the great unknown with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ding. (Ding). To ask the one big question on everybody's lips...

"Les Porter"
"Aye?"
"Has your name always rhymed with Yoker or did it used to be like Smith or something? Or..-?"

And then I thought: Dee Dee, you've just blown your cover - big time. What the ♥♥♥♥ are you playing at man. Go!, Go!

I got my head out before they started chucking (throwing) their scissors at me like ninja stars. Before big Les scalped me and stuck my head in the water. Ten seconds to get that bus man. That's your lifeline. What does it do? it starts moving, I was like "no man". Felt like giving up. "I'm not from Yoker I have no business being in Yoker". Let them finish me off like a pack of mad wolves. But I just kept running for my life like I had Leatherface on my tail. I get to the bus but he won't let me in. I was like set-up, set-up. Them that were on that front bus - actors, the lot of them were actors. The door opens and I walk upstairs. Right under the seat. And I don't dare poke my head out for the next half hour. In case they were behind on a minibus, gasping to feast on me like a shower of mad zombie pirates. I pick my moment: up the road, up the stairs, in the house. Lock. Lock. Lock.

Scary man, scary. But the best day of my life.