Hello,
Thanks for leavin that comment on my profile, BUT i think u got the wrong fella i aint ever clapped those cheeks so therefore i will not be payin any child support wages

Yearly tradition!

First comment on your profile 25

Hey…so this is embarrassing, but I feel like it’s destiny that I’m messaging you. Like, I don’t even know what you order at Starbucks or if you’re more into sunsets or sunrises, but I keep catching myself daydreaming about what your laugh sounds like. Isn’t that wild? I mean, I’ve literally created this whole alternate universe where we’re the type of couple that shares one giant scarf in the winter or reads poetry to each other in a park.

It’s honestly insane how little I know about you, but my heart’s just like, “Yep, that’s the one.” Which is probably cringe-level ten, and you’re definitely side-eyeing your screen right now. But if there’s, like, a 1% chance you’re even remotely on the same page, maybe we should, I don’t know…get coffee? Or at least laugh about how absurd this is together?

Hey so I know this is weird, but I feel like the universe put you in my life for a reason. I mean, we barely know each other, but there’s this magnetic connection I can’t explain. Like, remember that time we both accidentally reached for the same stapler? I still think about that. It felt cosmic.

Honestly, I don’t even know your favorite movie or if you’re a cat or dog person, but something in my soul tells me you’re the type who loves rainy days and deep conversations. Do you ever think about what it’d be like to just run away and start a new life with someone you barely know? Not saying we should, but…just throwing it out there.

Anyway, you’re probably cringing right now, and honestly, same. But if you’ve ever felt that cosmic stapler-level connection too, well…maybe we should talk?

Hey…okay, so this is massively embarrassing, and I’ve been debating sending this for days, but here we go. You probably barely know who I am, but I’ve thought about you…a lot. Like, it’s ridiculous. I don’t even know if you like breakfast food or what your favorite animal is, yet here I am, imagining us sharing cereal on Sunday mornings. Not that I know what kind of cereal you’d eat, but something tells me you’d go for the cool classics, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I’m not saying I’m in love with you, but maybe I’d accidentally whisper, “I love you” if I ever got close enough. And, yeah, now you probably think I’m creepy. I promise I’m not, I’m just…weirdly obsessed with you in a way that’s mostly cute, hopefully. Anyway, this was super cringe, I know—feel free to laugh, screenshot, or ignore. But, um…my DMs are open?