I sexually Identify as John Cena. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my WWE championship at WWE SUPERSLAM. People say to me that a person being John Cena is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, You Can't See Me. I'm having Vince McMahon inject me with Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. From now on I want you guys to call me "Champ" and respect my right to Five Knuckle Shuffle and Never Give Up. If you can't accept me you're a cenaphobe and need to check your championship privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

This guy paints himself red, stands in his bathroom and pretends to be a bloody tampon