Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

I am a 11 year old slave worker for the mongol empire who was worked to death by Genghis khan and right before I took my last breath, I felt a warm fire in my heart. Something was telling me to keep going, I didn’t know what, but that fire in my heart kept me alive just barely, as I wheezed my way through the pain I did not know why the gods wanted me alive, the unbearable pain made death seem like the easiest option for me, but I didn’t die. For thousands of years I stayed alive wondering why I was living, wondering why didn’t I go that day? Until June 2024, when the Hawk Tuah meme came out, I felt all that pain from all those years ago just vanish. The Hawk tuah meme has given me more life, joy, happiness, and I now know why I was kept alive by the gods all those years ago. I would go through all that pain working as a slave for Genghis Khan a thousand times just to watch one episode of Talk Tuah. I know my purpose in life now, I know why I didn’t die.

-rep this guy loves his dad

doesn't answer my phone calls but when i miss one of his he beats me with a baked frank

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 ▕╱▏▏▏┣┳┳┳╰━╯ gimme ur frank
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Loser with a gun. Can't even TK effectively but it's his best chance at killing anything in the game. If he's on your team, run.