I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

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Please respond, I am the mother of a 9 year old that you played Minesweeper with. After your [One "vs" One] match with him he came home with a sore back, not too long after that he got diagnosed with autism out of the sudden, my child has always been very loquacious and talktive, it all started changing after your match please tell me what happened in your private lobby, i tried joining the lobby but it asked for my credit card information for some reason so i didn't trust that, Please don't take offense in this but the internet is a wild place nowadays you can't trust anything anymore. more importantly tho, i await your reply, please contact me at "My_Kid_Has_Autisim@Hotmail.com" if you happen to read this.

I used to roll half a bottle of laxative pills into a Crunch wrap supreme and then leave cow pies on peoples door mats. People in my town installed porch cameras to catch the "Phantom S hitter" they said it couldn't possibly be one man, the hits were too frequent and too large. It had to be a whole gang of city punks coordinating and making planned precision strikes. I felt like a god among lesser beings in my town. Every time i was at the local diner and i overheard someone screaming about the black slop they found on their porch i felt powerful and unstoppable. I became too arrogant, started striking during the day. That's when they caught me and strung me up in the streets and hit me with rocks. I barely escaped with my life and i had to leave town. Now after all these years, I'm in a new town and I behave well enough. But I've got this nagging feeling, the urge is back, and I'm starting to think that my new town is about to experience a storm