Crowd goes wild as MCote walks to a podium.

“DBD is a disaster. Worse than it’s ever been. Almo - total fool that guy- he’s not treating us well folks. And Patrick? Oh boy what a work. That face!”

Laughter

Many people are saying it, change Nurse, nasty woman, naughty Nurse I call her. She’s too strong folks!

Blight too, a complete mess, his addons, total waste. They got to go.

As for our precious solos, aren’t they so cute folks? Well they’re getting killed . Horrible. Awful murder. They can’t see! The dumb dumb devs say they can’t see! “

Makes binocular gesture with hands

“It’s not the intended DBD experience they say. What a load of crap folks!

We’re gonna give them basekit kindred, action UI indicators, a totem counter, they’re gonna get it all! Visible survivor loadouts in the lobbies.

Now, big burly killers. Strong good men.

Stretches arms out wide.

“Trapper mains, Billys. They come to me in lobbies with tears in their eyes - my good friend Micheal Myers crying -he’s crying if you can believe it - he’s telling me “Sir the SWFs are too much. They’re killing us sir.”

Folks the DBDTwt lamestream social media say you shouldn’t say this but it’s true!

SWFs are bringing gen rush, they’re bringing tea bagging, toxic comments, body blocking and some I assume are good people. It’s a huge mess. Things have got to change! I will buff our M1 killers so fast people will be begging me to stop. “ MCote please stop!!” they’ll say.

Once all this is done, and it will be. It will be. Nobody is better at DBD.

We will make DBD great again!”

Crowd goes wild. Some orgasm. Others faint.