OwO

Allow me to read from the Captains Log for the USS Ragnarok.

Dated: March 15/2016.
Captain: Zeldageek

"Captain's Log, Stardate: Today. At last! My dreams are realized. No longer shall I be a slave, working in the goo mines, for I have purchased a spaceship! 'The USS Ragnarok.' A fine name for a fine ship; fit for a fine gentleman like myself. With this I plan to leave this galaxy in search of new places, new life and new goo to mine.

Realizing quickly that I could not do this alone, I enlisted the help of the galaxies most handsome pilot, Trauma. Trauma eagerly joined up and quickly mastered the Ragnarok's controls. After a complete tour of the ship, we set off on our first adventure. Destination: The Unknown. Trauma masterfully aimed the ship towards our destination and with the push of a button we were off.

Travelling at ludicrous speed we would reach our destination in only minutes. I sat back in my chair and opened the starmap to plan our journey. Suddenly, the ships Warp Drive powered down and we came to a stop, lightyears before our intended destination. I panicked and quickly activated the sensor array. A hostile target appeared on our scans and began firing on us. I lept up from the Captains Chair and made haste for the weapon controls. The ships automatic guns were already firing by the time I got there. I hopped in the railgun and opened fire.

"We're taking heavy damage!" Trauma said over the comms.

"Evasive maneuvers!" I replied.

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Trauma shouted.

I fired off a few more shots, landing only a couple, before the enemy finally disabled us. I had to make the call no Captain ever wants to make. "Abandon ship!" I cried over the comms. Trauma and I made haste for the escape pods. We arrived there to find only one child-size escape pod.

"Really, you spent all that money on this ship and didn't bother checking the escape pods?" Trauma asked sarcastically.

"Just shutup and get in." I said.

Trauma climbed in first and I sat on his lap, closing the pod door behind us. With a sudden 'woosh' we were ejected from the Ragnarok and into the darkness of space. I looked over Trauma's shoulder out the window and watched as my ship was destroyed.

"I should've stayed in the goo mines." I said with sorrow.

"I got your goo mines right here, baby!" Trauma said with a wink.

***
And so our journey ended there. Well, not really because it took 23 days for rescue to pick us up and believe me when I say 23 days is much too long to sit on another mans lap, no matter how handsome he is. "

End of Captain's Log

Way to go, piss of another one