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Recent reviews by WHERE ARE MY FUCKING PANTS

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Showing 1-10 of 11 entries
1 person found this review helpful
79.1 hrs on record (71.5 hrs at review time)
This game captures the stalker vibe so perfectly. I love it.
Posted 17 August.
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1 person found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.0 hrs on record
This game is beautiful, but I find there's very little I can actually *do* in the game except walk, point, and click on icons. The bulk of my interactions for the first 30-45 minutes are just pressing W and clicking around. This absolutely has the looks but is entirely missing the feel of a game. Instead of being able to jump, you just continue walking into a ledge and watch an unskippable cutscene of the character jumping up or down a ledge. In one spot, 3 times in a row in less than ten seconds. There's also a higher ledge/wall to climb, but sadly, you just press W over and over as you watch this character have all the fun. The game also has you point and click to explore anything interesting from your map to the landscape around you. It's a rather annoying mechanic. I might as well be watching this on youtube.
Posted 22 April. Last edited 22 April.
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4 people found this review helpful
23.3 hrs on record
Early Access Review
This game used to be great because it had an interesting map to explore, combined with plentiful loot, bosses, and gameplay that made it easy to enjoy. I stopped playing for most of this year, and come back to see a truly boring map. Everything that was fun about this game is gone. Even the loot drops are like 10% water bottles, and anything else is just a gimmicky base decoration. The entire map is trees which makes this game seems like it wants to be a base building game, but when you build a base... thats it. The woods are pretty desolate of any NPCs. The addition of weapon parts makes combat a lot less fun, and you'd think you could find weapons at the "military base", but it's just a bunch of empty barracks with no special loot drops. Which reminds me, all of the zombies are flat grey NPCs when they used to have unique textures. This game went from something fun to a half-baked wannabe dayz.
Posted 6 November, 2023. Last edited 6 November, 2023.
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A developer has responded on 13 Nov, 2023 @ 7:58am (view response)
1 person found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
43.8 hrs on record (7.9 hrs at review time)
No other game in a long time has made me quite as excited. I absolutely love it so far. It was well worth the wait from preordering in 2018.
Posted 21 February, 2023.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
104.9 hrs on record (23.7 hrs at review time)
what can I say besides, it's fun, it's chaotic, it's chivalry. Just optimize the game FFS. It's impossible to play lately and the respawn timer bug is horrendous
Posted 15 October, 2022.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
51.4 hrs on record
I remember eagerly waiting for this game to come out even as hurricane Ike passed over and cut off the power for weeks. This game, and really the entire stalker series, is an absolute gem. This game shaped my entire gaming experience - there's no other game I constantly compare others to than Stalker.
Posted 9 March, 2022.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
14.2 hrs on record (11.6 hrs at review time)
It's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but it's by far the most innovative co-op horror game I've come across. The gameplay and required teamwork to survive are so satisfying. The only huge issue for me is matchmaking. If I try to fill one empty spot, it kicks out the entire lobby!
Posted 3 February, 2022.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
137.6 hrs on record (32.5 hrs at review time)
I like this game a lot more than I've liked other battle royale games. It's fresh, easy to get into a match, and fast paced. The gameplay is wild. It even gets frequent updates.

It gets a thumbs down from me because of the pay to win model. I don't see a future for this game as it is now, with purchasable rituals that rival the best cheat clients. Having someone turn invisible when I'm about to win a match, or teleport to me when I've pinned them down is absolutely ludicrous. There's almost nothing another player can do against the examples I gave, simply because I haven't paid $9.99 for this season's battle pass.
Posted 29 March, 2021. Last edited 30 March, 2021.
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2 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
33.0 hrs on record (18.3 hrs at review time)
18 hours in and my save gets corrupted. New game? Nah.
Posted 15 August, 2020.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
139.5 hrs on record
Early Access Review
I've always really enjoyed this game. The atmosphere, guns, combat, etc are awesome. I have a soft spot for titles inspired by STALKER. Too bad the match wait times are upwards of 20 minutes. I left the game without playing at all, having not played for months. I wish it was different.
Posted 21 March, 2020.
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Showing 1-10 of 11 entries