As I gaze out upon the city, I am entranced by the lights. The way that light streaks into the sky, leaving a grey haze on a mostly jet-black sky. Sometimes I try to trace a particular light source, but I never get very far. This Friday night in the middle of January, I am joined by the cold as I sit on my porch. It is a biting 20 degrees outside, but I have a coat on and sit with a blanket. The cold doesn't bother me at all, but the occasional wind gust reminds me of the temperature. My hands are bound to a fresh cup of coffee, which will wind up keeping me up all night. With each sip will be one more hour of lying awake in my bed, I think to myself. I should probably go back inside and begin preparation for sleep. The clock just struck midnight; this Friday is now a Saturday, and with that, the main lights on the buildings have shut off. Now it is just the sky, or what is left of it. Even with the main lights turned off, the streetlights seem to scare the stars away.

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

loss

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

interlinked

balls balls balls!

Strange transformations within multiple beings including the reasoning for the worst of the population all at once

Kick that person off the plane please

When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop? When will time stop?

Numerous times I have thought about what life used to be. I remember the days spent running through prairies, searching for various things of my imagination. One day in particular I found something that my friends and I watched from afar. It was a creature, nothing we had ever seen before. This creature was slowly walking through a grove of trees. It didn't move like a normal animal, it walked with a sense of grace that forced you to stare in awe. It didn't seem to mind our presence. It was beautiful - I will never forget the way it looked. This ethereal being slowly walked away, then suddenly disappeared. Since then I have frequently revisited this memory. Often times I get a feeling that I want to return to that prairie and search for it, but I have know that my efforts will be futile. Time has continued to move past that moment in the prairie, and my rose tinted view of life has depleted.

Everyone is walking with their head down. Are they shielding themselves from inclement weather? Are they studying the fall of snow on the ground? Are they considering decisions they have made in the past? Could they be just simply watching for ice? Perhaps they are just focused on walking. Perhaps they aren’t thinking of anything. They could just be walking with the crowd, unconscious as they become something bigger then themselves. Maybe I should have just put my head down and walked with the crowd.

"I'll be there in an hour" I text as I make my way to my car. My mind wanders away from worrying about the treacherous drive as I meander to my vehicle. The walk proves to be as daunting as the drive will be. I lose my footing on a sheet of ice and fall on my back. Now I am on the ground, staring up into the dead sky. There are no stars in sight, all I can see is the light pollution streaking into the sky from the city. Perhaps I will turn around and take refuge in my warm flat. I'm not really in the mood to see anybody anymore. I'll be there tomorrow morning. I might lose myself tomorrow morning too. Maybe I will never see them ever. The walk always proves to be the worst part of the journey. I can never bring myself to complete it.

As I look back on time I wonder if the younger me would be proud. I wonder if they stare upon the future with the same feeling I get when I think of my past. My thoughts are constantly dragged back to these old times, reminding me of the young soul who would always look upon the future with hope. The only difference is that I don't stare at the past with hope, I look back and feel emptiness. It is a part of me that I have lost. Perhaps one day I will look back and find that that feeling of emptiness has perished - I have fulfilled my promises of a bright future to that hopeful young soul.

Often times I find myself wondering what truly lies behind the horizon line. Sometimes I dream about walking endlessly to get there. I imagine I'll find something incredible - something I have dreamed endlessly about. This constant thought nags at me until one day I was drawn to it. I tied my shoes and set out on a journey that I hoped would never end. The hike went on and on, but I never stopped. As I got further and further I began to realize that this dream wasn't achievable. No matter how long I walked, how hard I tried, I would never reach the dream I set out for.

Pondering the existence of existentialism, I wondered to the edge of the cliff. The townspeople had warned me of this cliff - I chose to continue anyways. Waiting for me at the summit of a vast chasm was a sight that few would ever see. The valley created by the rock walls go for miles, and slowly drift apart until they open up a view to heaven itself. This view, a beautiful picture that one can assume God sculpted himself, is a figment of my imagination. This cliff does things to the mind. It drags people closer and closer with a view that only they could understand, a view that they will thirst for. The townspeople warned me of this cliff - I chose to continue anyways.

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!

Balls Up My Arse!!!!