DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX!!! I REPEAT!!! DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX!!!

My wife and I had sex, like really hot sex. Like super incredibly hot sex, like really really hot sex, the sex was so hot! But I think it was too hot! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have sex that hot again, because it was so hot. She did that thing with her tongue, and I did that thing with my penis. But the sex was way too hot! She told me she was pregnant the next day! Then she gave birth 7 months later, I always thought it took 9 months but it was probably sped up by how hot the sex was! What's worse, THE BABY WAS BURNED! It was sort of brown! The doctor held the baby and just gave us a skeptical look, I was confused and my wife seemed concerned. The baby was burned by how hot the sex was! DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID WITH MY WIFE, DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX OR THE BABY WILL BE BURNED!!!

hey, sorry i saw your profile and i just thought you looked cute in your picture, i really wanted to tell you that)) it's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! i don't know its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwhiches. we should really play l4d2 sometimes its a really cool zombie game with a lot fo scary moments, but dont worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting i swear im just trying to be friendly i really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? really sorry im really shy i don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

rep After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.