you seem like you are very at ease with how trash you are. given the fact that you felt the need to write such an essay. i didnt read it tbh.

Dear Mr. PeeDee
Thanks for responding on such short notice, as I’m sure you are quite the busy fellow, PWNING n00bz and the like... I’d like to inform you of a silly error—entirely on my part, a side note slipup, if you will, whilst having our little dispute regarding the thrilling videogaming we’ve had together. (Although I’m afraid that I haven’t the faintest notion of who you are, this is all the more embarrassing considering that you seem to be so interested in my videogaming analytics. You would think this to be a shared effort of mutual respect—hardly so! But foe or teammate, I welcome the nice letters all the same. Videogaming sure is serious business!)

The three game win streak I mentioned then thought to be the most appropriate analytical information that I could bestow upon you. This turns out to be a the- perhaps some would argue, quite the desired long awaited portryal of self doubt in regards to my videogaming career. (Oh, how famous it is!)
For 'twas not a three-time continual, relentless, and persistent dogged sustained performance of epic videogaming victory supreme. Not quite, for lo and behold, ’twas a five-time continual, relentless, and persistently dogged and sustained performance of epic videogaming victory supreme that was had on those deconsecrated, damned soils, nourished only by sweat and blood.

((Curse thy names who aim to prolong these Godforsaken wars! T’is all-naught but a fool’s errand, I tell ya!)) It’s like watching a bunch of tomcats fightin’ over a fishbone—there ain’t no meat left on it, but by golly, they’ll hiss and spit till the cows come home—just an old sayin’ from my maw-maw there, God bless her.

Anyways, back to my five-time continual, relentless, and persistently dogged and sustained performance of epic videogaming victory supremes, and now you could knock me down with a feather! Oh, my giddy aunt, I did not die a single time that first time I enrolled as my new favorite, Support Seven! And those kills? And assists? Wow, wow wee waa, they sure do look good sharing sides to that astounding "0" in the middle! 7-0-20, to be frank. Those were some fun videogaming times. I love filling up the map with my huge stun and balls of electricity. Oh, and that’s 20 assists if you’re unfamiliar. Another match shows 21 assists, but I did kick the bucket seven times that game. Although, in hindsight, I would probably give up that singular aid provided for not having been put to death those seven times. Not to be confused with my new favorite character, Support Seven. What a quirky name! Valve sure knows how to please their audiences! Haha! I know I’m laughing! Haha! LOL even...

Well, Mr. FD, I hope this was informative enough for you to warrant no further discussion on the topic of epic videogaming times we supposedly shared. And regarding that "zero damage on objectives" you mentioned, I find it confusing, as that would be highly unlikely when pwning n00bz as much as my teammates and I did, giving us access to the enemy’s arsenal with ease, not to mention my history consistently showing at least 4,000+. Well, I shan’t keep you occupied any longer… Good luck out there, you videogamer, you! Kiss, kiss.