accept my friend request pls

In high school I dated a girl who had a pet monkey that lived in a cage like your nan is in. One day it removed the human diaper it was wearing and flung ♥♥♥♥ through the bars of the cage covering their guest room. Now I'm not saying your nan is capable of taking solid bowel movements given her advance age. But seeing as the runescape servers will never improve it's better for them to be ♥♥♥♥ than your living room to be covered in ♥♥♥♥ sir.

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I’ve already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. If you have any questions or maybe advice, just inbox me. Thank you all so much ~~