I was at a wine tasting with my cousin Ernesto, which was mainly reds, and you know, I don’t love reds man, you know? But there was a rosé that saved the day, it was delightful. And he tells me about this girl Emily that we used to kick it with, it was actually the first pair of boobs that I ever touched... So, uh, he tells me that she’s working as a housekeeper now, right? And she’s dating this dude, Carlos, who’s a shot caller from across the bay and she tells him about the dude that she’s cleaning for. Right? That he’s, like, this big-shot CEO that is all retired now but he’s loaded. And so, Carlos and Ernesto are on the same softball team and they get to talking, right?
And here comes the good part. Carlos says, “Yo, man. This guy’s got a big-ass safe just sitting in the basement, just chillin’.” Of course Ernesto comes to me cause he knows I’ve got mad thieving skills. Of course I ask him, “Did Emily tell Carlos to tell you to get to me what kind of safe it was?" And he says, “Nah, dog. All she said is that it’s, like, super legit, and whatever’s in it has gotta be good! So I was all like, "Well, hell wasn't it worthless that you read all of this?" You keep reading these words all like, "Hurr durr I'mma person reading this on my computer screen duuuh" Which makes me want to ask "Did you at least recognize any of this..?" And now you go through the text again and something is tingling in the back of your mind, like, you might have heard it from somewhere but you're not sure where exactly.

_____________ Go to [1] If you don't know where it's from, Go to [2] If you do know. _____________

[1] I realize that you might not know where it's from and say, "It's okay, not everyone watches every single super hero movie that comes out. Some of them you might skip, like Black Panther or Aquaman or Dr.Strange." You sort of agree with me and goes on to think this is really weird, why did he even write all of this? And then I say, "Well I mean what else should I have here? Huh? A bunch of boxes? No, that's stupid. Just a wall of copy pasted: 'Why are you here'? I mean that's even more stupid, right? That has, like, no thought put into it. No, now this, this is energy wasted on thinking of what to write and how to write it correctly, and to figure out what you might think while reading this."

I look at you searching for approval, "Right? This is, in a lot of ways, a lot more fun. Just look at all of the text that you've read. My words, or well... not all of them are my words, most of it is from the movie I was talking about earlier that you were supposed to figure out which one it was but you never did so now I'm just rambling on trying to keep you here by somehow being entertaining by just using words. Which is, mind you, not very easy."

You sit there in your chair, still very confused by all this and realize that Wait a minute... that's not what I'm thinking at all you ♥♥♥♥. You're just trying to play clever. You probably just stole this from some other place on the internet. A simple Copypasta. Ugh, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ attention craving, pathetic little man. I slap you across the face and say, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sound so mean. And slapping you was probably the wrong thing to do too... But in the end nobody's hurt since you're just reading this and not getting affected (except wasting your time, slowly dying away like everything else on this planet.) This is just innocent fun and you can stop reading whenever you want.

____________________ Go to [3] if you want to continue to waste your time ___________________

[2] Hey, good on you for knowing stuff! What did you think of the movie? (I interrupt you before you answer) "Yeah, I thought it was adequate. It had some good parts, like that part I was quoting earlier with the fast talking and explaining and oversharing of useless details which is just hilarious. I found a post on the internet that suggested the character that does that monologue should do a re-cap on what’s happened in Avengers Infinity War in the beginning of Endgame. Wouldn't that be awesome but it would sort of ruin the tone of the whole movie probably. Or maybe it would be a great ice breaker since half of the characters 'died' in the end of Infinity War y'know."

You sort of agree with me and thinks, this is really strange, why am I even reading this? I give you a confused, concerned look and say, "I'm not keeping you here am I? I don't really wanna waste your time because that basically means I'm slowly stealing life from you. And that's just not really fair, y'know? I'm just writing this because I think it’s fun. Meta (or self-aware) stuff is really my thing. I always find it fun and interesting. It's the kind of 'world breaking' I like, I love stories that portrays a reality much like our own but it has somethings out of place. Like the movie (& graphic novels) ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World’. It has video games and super powers (sort of) integrated in a world much like our own. It’s the surrealism of it that gets to me I think, because our world is, at least compared to the media we produce, really freaking boring.”

You just sit there staring at your screen thinking, this is really stupid, what is he even writing about anymore? Reminding me of my mortality wasn’t a nice thing nor funny thing, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
I sit, lost in my thoughts, looking out the window. You wave your hand in front of my face and say, “Umm are you okay? Can I stop reading this now?” I snap back to reality and say, “Oh… Of course, leave whenever you want. Like I wrote earlier ‘I don’t wanna waste your time’ I said that in this timeline, right?
Hmpf, It doesn’t matter anyway.

____________________ Go to [3] if you want to continue to waste your time ___________________

[3] "...Oh. You are still here. So you're actually willing to waste your time by reading my words? That's the kindest compliment a person who hasn't even said anything could say to me. I'm grateful, really. You've made it this far and I wish to give you something. Hmm... I mean you clicked in on my profile, to look at my stuff which means you want to know something about me. I guess I could honestly give you that."

Hi, I'm John. I wrote this whole thing. I like to talk about music (I also make my own music, artist name InClusi [soundcloud.com]), video games, movies, music in movies and a whole lot of other stuff. If you have a favorite song, comment it down there please I need more music.
Hmm, what else...?
Oh!
My favourite color is red.

Now ♥♥♥♥ off